Something Went Wrong With Me...?

Assalamualaikum...
Ok. Malas hendak bercerita panjang. Straight to the topic. Recently, Farahin rasa semua benda tak kena di rumah. Everything buat Farahin rimas, serabut, kusut. Rasa hendak marah saja tapi tak terlepas. I don't know what was the reason. But I know this one thing. I think I'm angry to myself. Why? Even I don't know why. Hampir setiap benda yang Farahin lihat dan dengar buat Farahin rasa rimas dan serba tak kena. Hati ini sakit semacam saja. Farahin rasa tak tenang. Farahin rasa....Farahin tidak fikirkan apapun. Tapi kepala ini rasa sarat, mampat saja. Dahi kalau tak berkerut macam tak sah. That's why Farahin mostly berkurung dalam bilik. Sebab sometimes bila Farahin keluar dari bilik dan turun ke bawah, suddenly mood Farahin akan berubah. My feeling. My emotion. Farahin lebih berperasaan dingin. Muka ini pun sudah macam raja rimba kebuluran.

Beberapa hari lepas....last week and the other last 2 weeks I guess, I cried myself. Screaming loudly in my room. For the past two weeks, I cried because.....1st, terjeling pad ayah then ayah misunderstood that I tried to rude to him. Actually, Farahin terengaruh dengan perasaan yang serba tak kena ini. Asyik hendak baran saja. 2nd, I cried because I was depressed too depressed about the final exam that will be held on the next day. Hah jadinya, keesokan harinya mata Farahin bengkak. Kelopak mata ni rasa besaq semacam saja. On the last friday, I cried again. I screamed again. Because once again I felt so depressed. On that day, Farahin dengan members kena marah dengan cikgu sebab kami tidak masuk kelas dia.

On that day, during her class, ada peperiksaan prinsip akaun for some students yang ambil subjek tersebut. And we didn't. Kami fikir there must be nothing to do in the class so kami pergi tolong ustazah sambil lepak di surau. Then, sebelum balik kami dusuruh jumpa dengan cikgu. Itu yang kena marah. After that, cikgu buka cerita juga about her target for her class. Three of my members were target by her as 8A+ students. While then my name wasn't there. It was ok when she didn't said my name even that time Farahin mula rasa iri dengan other members. But finally, she said it. She asked me, "Farahin. Awak mana? Nama awak tak ada? Berapa awak? 6A?" Argh! Memang sentap gila masa tu. Nampak sangat I the most low class amount the members. Farahin menjadi bertambah iri dan sekaligus mula menimbulkan rasa benci. We cried. The members cried because they are afraid of the teacher while me(?) I cried because I tried to stand with my jealousy plus haters during that time. I felt jerk! Dummies.

After kami keluar dari bilik, all walked together to the surau. Beg kami ada di sana. I rushed to the surau while the others were leave behind. I grab my bag and do our friendship salam. It wasn't like Kuch Kuch Ho Ta Hai or something what ok. It was in way of  Islam. I leave them at surau. I need to control my emotion during that time. Bila sudah sampai rumah, I straight to my room and started let go my anger. My hater. My temper. I cried again. Sometimes apa yang orang judge about kita may be true. So, I thought the teacher was right. I'm not the right person to be as ayam tambatan. But when I realized there still people yang menjadikan Farahin as ayam tambatan, rasa macam kalau diri ini tidak dianugerahkan rasa sakit sudah lama Farahin belah dada, keluarkan jantung then kasi kerat into small pieces. Lepas tu, cuci dengan kloroks sampai jadi putih. I HURT! Really HURT! 

Huhh...panjang sudah ceritanya. Maaflah. Memenatkan mata anda yang membaca. Hmm...lega sikit lepas mendapat khidmat kaunseling dari blogging. Ok. I'm done. Hendak tengok dokumentari haiwan. This is one of the thing that can make me smile and feel the love. Animals are an AWESOME creature. They just AMAZING. Subhanallah....ppyeong~


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