Fight

I'm not sure when did it really started

I don't know how can this world seems so hard to live

and why my life has been such a difficult fight

have been keeping it all hidden

have been keeping it all silent

today i try to be loud so listen

I'm going to let it all out so pay attention

I have been hurting myself

I know I'm the assasin and everyone is just faceless criminal

slit my skin, bleed my pain

every night I have been crying in vain

every day I wish I would ride a paper crane

let go everything and walk my final lane

this life has been a difficult fight

tell myself that I can make it right

I can do this right

everything will be alright

but how many lies should i tell

from white to grey and now i can't even spell

if this is a game shall i count my score

should i fight more and hurt more

though i can't do it no more

i can't do it no more.

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Beast

i tried my best

i tried my best to be happy

more sugar in my coffee

invited myself to the party

been in the crowd and acted noisy

i tried my best to live happily

i tried my best

i tried my best yet i'm still feeling like this

what it worths when my best became the worthless

i am speechless, restless, and sleepless

within me there is an ugly beast

my anxiety is her favorite feast

i tried my best

i thought i tried my best to be happy

more sugar in my coffee but i wasn't thirsty

avoided the crowd, canceled the party

now, under the sheet i cry silently

i tried my best to live happily

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Gun

hands off, don't touch me

stay away, don't get closer

stay still, don't cross the border

stop, don't pull the trigger

because here is the danger

there is a gun inside my head

pointing at life that I want to protect

I fight, I flinch, yet it still stays intact
like parasite drying the host out
no other way, I get to watch out

back up, keep the distance
I may be a weapon but also a poison
I know I am just broken
can be fix but keep feeling frightened
maybe I'm just not confident

hands off, don' touch me
there is a gun inside my head
fully loaded and I am the target
it's dangerous so turn your back
I pull the trigger, it is just another slack

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Faouzia Born Without A Heart

Assalamualaikum...

Ramadhan kareem, people!

I just found this hidden gem two days ago.

She just popped out of nowhere on my Youtube home lol.

I was so tempted with her bold voice and high vocal.

She worth bigger audience so I just want to share

this underrated super talented singer with y'all.

I'm an angel, tell me what you mean by that
I take it all and I will never give it back
I don't feel sorry every time I see you cry
Every time you start, I'm waiting for your tears to dry

I don't really care, and I never will
That's the way I am, such a bitter pill
I don't really care, how much silence kills
That's the way I am

No, I wasn't born without a heart
I wasn't always like this, no
Watched you break me, no
Now you blame me
No, I wasn't born with all these scars
And that's what made me like this, no
Can you blame me? No

I'm a nightmare, I know what you mean by that
I can't wake up from all these scary dreams I have
I don't really care, and I never will
That's the way I am, such a bitter pill
I don't really care, how much silence kills
That's the way I am

No, I wasn't born without a heart
I wasn't always like this, no
Watched you break me, no
Now you blame me
No, I wasn't born with all these scars
And that's what made me like this, no
Can you blame me? No

I wasn't born like this
Hurt people, hurt people
I'd rather be heartless
Than have my heart in pieces

No, I wasn't born without a heart
I wasn't always like this, no
Watched you break me, no
Now you blame me
No, I wasn't born with all these flaws
And that's what made me like this, no
Can you blame me? No

This song is just so related that it captured me deeply straight through my heart. At half of the minutes, I listened to this with a motivated feeling like "What do I did wrong?" ego but then the other half of it caught me drowning in a feeling of lost. I noticed I have been growing into someone with cold personality. Sometimes I thought I was too selfish for guarding myself too much that I ended up pushing people away even though they showed me their interest to get closer to me. Sometimes I also thought that I did the right  thing for myself. However, none of it was painless. And now I'm not sure anymore. Just practically breathing fine.

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Attention

Why are you looking at me in that way?

Where are you actually looking at?

Is it my bleeding hand or the other one with blade?

Or is it the knot that is wrapping tightly around my neck?

Where are you looking at?

Not there but here

Look at me and come closer

Face me though it is all pale

Barely open but I'm not blind

Red eyes and still sored and swollen

Not crying but I'm still mourning

Last night cries left me whining

Why are you looking at me in that way?

Are you surprised or showing sympathy?

Where are you actually looking at?

Is it my upcoming death or my falling life?

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