I Don't Do Casual Curse

Posted by | On | | 0 Comments
Assalamualaikum...
The perfect gif to describe homework | Blue exorcist rin, Blue ...
Hello, readers! How're you doing today?
It's only a few days left before Ramadan lefts us
and Syawal is just around the corner.

I don't know how to start this post. I've been often doubting myself lately. Especially, my thoughts and decisions. The way I revise them again and again don't make me feel better yet I come to encounter some kind of mental block. Someone might noticed or never, I did published a few posts here yet later I unpublished them. No mention I often deleted and rewrote captions that I made on my socmed. This thing is indeed normal at certain level. But when it is this too often for me, I don't feel it is normal anymore. Anyway, enough with the long introduction @ confession. Let's go straight to the real content.

I don't do casual curse. People said, especially those quotes and memes shared on socmed, when you cursed at your friends casually that means you're very close to not feel hurt with each other easily. So the thing is, I don't do casual curse. So far, I don't remember I called or used bodoh, sengal, or more such words with my best friends. They might used it with each other sometimes but not when they particularly communicated with me directly. Thus, am I not close enough with my best friends?

Maybe it's because I'm the only child, unlike most people around me who might has been growing using such words with their siblings, in their casual communication. Since I have been growing in this very like individual environment, I'm not very often exposed to this behavior. I think I have been growing with self learning of how to entertain myself without someone's presence.

Besides that, it may because of my own chosen society. I have my personal standard of who and what may get through my wall. It may has something to do with mistrustful behavior. However, I think it is more sided to patience and efforts. Also, it has nothing to do with time. Likely, it is based on my how comfortable and familiar I'm with someone. It may be cliche, but the final touch is when my instinct strongly tells me that it is alright to get attach with this person and my heart will just go for it.

Wait. Don't I kind of slip from the track? So in this matter, my kind of chosen society is like "I don't mind if you do casual curse but not with me." It's like a boundary. Your good and bad are yours. It may change or not. But when I have let you into my wall, your very presence is my important subject to learn. I may accept some parts of you and I may not for the rest. Above of all, your current presence is enough for me.

I spent years to let this group of friends entitles as best friends. Yet, I only spent months to get and feel close with my roommate from last year. We do attach to each other until now, even our distance makes each other absent. And she does do casual curse. When I was with her last year, I often heard she cursed over who knew what. However, until now, she doesn't do casual curse with me. I, myself feel comfortable with it and I hope she does too.

Anyway, I'm not too kind either with words or behavior too. I have my flaws and funny sides too. I do curse but not really casual because when I do, I really mean it. I curse when I'm in very bad mood. It also happens when I'm in very bad mood and something makes me jump out of shock. My curse don't have variety at all because I only use this two words, fuck and shit. They only have one sound to pronoun. Simple yet great impact, at least for me lol.

Last paragraph. So does casual curse is the right tool to measure how close you're with your friends? Well, it may be said so. Just like those quotes and memes. But for me, in general, to measure our bond or relationship with someone is counted on how safe and good we feel when we're with that someone. Either you do casual curse with each other or not, you know what is best for your own sake.

My little pious voice tells me, it's better to not curse at all. Such useless words are pointless. Ops!


Until here, I end this post.
Hope you love this sharing.
Thank you for your time and concern.
May you're blessed with good and healthy relationship.
See you in later post! bye bye. xoxo =)





When you cannot prevent the toxic, avoid it as best as you can.






READ MORE>>

Mutation

Posted by | On | | 0 Comments
Free Images : flower, background, barrel cactus plant, cacti ...
Spiny green hedgehog
A small pot of echinocactus
Hate in love is indeed poisonous
Nested sneaky giant snake
To love yet to hate
To move yet too late
Embracing dreadful echinocactus 
Sucking on murderous venom
Monstrous hate in love
To love and hate is too sad
To move yet still feeling bad
Mutating to green hedgehog












READ MORE>>

Metaphor

Posted by | On | | 1 Comments
Download wallpaper 1600x900 osteospermum, flower, bw, blur ...
Gravity under feet
High sky is hanging above
Air fills two breathing packs
Frozen tongue with tangled words
A brain is planting a very quiet jungle
Called it biology, chemistry, or even physics
Still can't make sense this metaphor insanity

Too many, too much, too fast
Called it calculation, prediction, or assumption
Still can't make sense this miserable statistics
A brain is reconnecting to vague logic
Tied tongue with undelivered words
Packed lungs with heavy breaths
Dark sky is the continuous infinity
Gravity is too steep to not fall
















READ MORE>>

Cerita Pendek : Malap

Posted by | On | | 0 Comments
writing shared by wtg0121 on We Heart It

!! AMARAN !! AMARAN !! AMARAN !!
Penulisan ini mengandungi unsur trigger dan suicide thought.
Pembaca disarankan membaca dalam keadaan mental yang baik.
Terutamanya, kepada pesakit mental atau sesiapa sahaja yang
sedang mengalami kecelaruan mental yang serius ketika ini.


Tajuk : Malap

Jenis : Cerita Pendek

Genre : Remaja, Depresi

Penulis : Adrenalin Putra @ Suju Elfarahin


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Langit masih tinggi. Bumi masih berputar. Angin masih berhembus. Nadi masih berdenyut. Namun begitu, buat Mayzara semuanya kelihatan samar. Semuanya tidak membangkitkan sebarang semangat kehidupan tetapi nafas yang mengeluh hambar. Buatnya, langit sudah runtuh dan jatuh. Bumi sudah terumbang-ambing dalam pusaran yang menggaung dalam. Angin sudah membuaskan ribut yang menambahkan lagi ribut perasaannya. Dan nadi yang masih berdenyut seakan menghitung setiap titis toksik yang membunuh dirinya dari dalam.


Mayzara bingung. Tidak tahu apa dan entah kenapa. Seluruh tubuhnya menggigil seakan digigit kedinginan yang melampau sedang peluhnya merecik lencun di setiap liang roma kulitnya. Ketakutan yang merengsa emosinya tidak menang hendak dialahkan. Ditambah pula dengan panik yang mengalir deras merentasi jantung sehingga degupannya seakan menyerupai buasnya roda keretapi melandas. Sungguhpun begitu, Mayzara sedar akan realiti yang kini dikotori ilusi fikirannya yang berkecamuk.


“Diam!!!”


Mayzara meraung nyaring bercampurkan serak. Sepuluh jari mencengkam dalam di antara selirat rambutnya yang kusut. Mayzara bukan mahu mendiamkan sesiapa. Bukan juga sedang marahkan sesiapa. Sebenarnya Mayzara mahu mendiamkan segala apa yang sedang merasuki mindanya. Marahnya pula bukan marah yang biasa-biasa. Marahnya dihimpuni pelbagai rontaan perasaan yang mengamuki jiwa. Melibas setiap titik kewarasan yang berbaki.


Lensa mata Mayzara mula basah. Kolam mata semakin penuh dengan air mata lalu melimpah membasahi wajah seorang wanita yang sedang menderita. Mayzara meraung lagi. Kali ini kedengaran pilu dengan sendu yang sangat menghibakan. Sebaknya membuatkan jiwa membengkak dan memberontak. Tangisan Mayzara beterusan seolah tiada mungkin mahu berhenti. Kelopak mata mula bengkak dan terasa pedih membisa namun air mata masih deras mengalir.


Pelbagai senario dan idea bahaya melintasi fikiran Mayzara yang masih berkecamuk. Setiap satunya terasa sungguh jelas seakan tayangan pita bersuara. Dalam tayangan ini, Mayzara menyaksikan kepalanya dihantuk ke dinding sehingga berdarah, kulit tangan dan kakinya dihiris-hiris oleh bilah pisau yang tajam, lehernya terjerut mati sambil kakinya tergantung di udara, dan banyak lagi tragedi seumpamanya. Setiap satunya saling bersilangan dan berulangan.


Mayzara mula mengetuk kepala dengan dua buku lima. Setiap ketukannya memberikan gempa yang besar sehingga terasa berkoncang isi kepalanya. Mayzara teruskan bertingkah sedemikian sehingga getaran di kepala tidak lagi terasa kerana kebas mula merengsa. Puasnya terasa nyata. Lelahnya tidak terkata. Air mata juga semakin tenang ombaknya. Mayzara terduduk limpa sambil belakangnya tersandar pada dada dinding yang rata dan dingin.


Kenapa dengan Mayzara? Hanya Mayzara seorang yang mungkin mampu menjawab persoalan itu. Mungkin adalah bukan kerana dia berpura tidak tahu. Mungkin adalah kerana Mayzara sendiri ada mungkinnya juga keliru dan ragu-ragu dengan jawapannya sendiri. Keliru adalah kerana fikirannya mungkin dikaburi ilusi dan imaginasi yang bukan rekaannya semata. Semntara keraguannya pula melampaui batas prasangka. Oleh itu, Mayzara mungkin lebih memilih untuk tidak berkata apa-apa.


Langit masih tinggi. Bumi masih berputar. Angin masih berhembus. Nadi masih berdenyut. Inilah ia realiti Mayzara. Wujudnya seorang wanita menjadi perhiasan terindah di dunia. Mayzara ibarat bintang yang menyinari malam, menemani purnama yang mengambang, sambil diamati keindahannya oleh alam. Namun adakalanya sinarannya menjadi malap. Sedang purnama masih mengambang terang sambil ditemani bintang-bintang yang lainnya, siapa saja tahu apatah lagi sedar akan malapnya bintang yang satu ini.


Mayzara ialah bintang. Kewujudannya diakui. Sinarnya dipuji-puji. Tetapi ketidakwujudannya tidak diperhati. Malap sinarnya tidak diterangi. Mayzara ialah bintang. Menemani purnama mengambang namun tetap terasa hilang. Menghiasi langit malam namun dirinya terasa kelam dan tenggelam. Mayzara ialah bintang. Bintang yang asalnya terang. Kini kian malap dan semakin hilang.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


Mungkin ada yang perasan. Mungkin ada yang tak perasan. Farahin ada published posts tapi kemudiannya unpublished semula. Begitulah Farahin akhir-akhir ni. Banyak yang ditulis tapi kemudiannya dipadam. Tulis lagi dan padam lagi. Lagi, lagi, dan lagi. Farahin keliru dan ragu dengan buah fikiran sendiri sampai ada masa anxiety buat Farahin rasa geli-geli. Jadi Farahin gantikan dengan fiksyen pendek ni. Terima kasih sebab baca sampai habis. Komenlah sekali hehe





READ MORE>>

Distant

Posted by | On | | 4 Comments
Pin em Gif
Singing to a sad song
Dry tears on blushing cheeks
Wake up from a dream
Just to miss a distant love
Silhouette by the moonlight
Unforgettable figure
Afraid of fading memories

Singing to a sad song
This heartache is pure cider
Wander in illusion of reality
Stand still in uncertainty
Unanswered assumptions
Messy calculations
Afraid of left alone












READ MORE>>

ELFollowers

we're all stars that brightens each other starlight a little bit better for the better -07/05/2020-