Tuan blog masih bernafas ya haha - 31/5/2025
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Hi! (•◡•)
Welcome to District'15.
I'm the mistress, Farahin.
Jan '96 is my sacred date.
I think and feel too much.
So I write. Feel free to
navigate around. Thank you
for coming ya.
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One Step Closer

Posted by ELFarahin | On June 07, 2025 | | No comments:


remember the night it happened
sentiment of enchanting scent
glasses clung and heart rang
one step closer had me fast alert
in your eyes i had my soul drowning
alluring smile , there you begged


remember the night it happened
sentiment of sweet tragedy
romance and separation in synchrony
one step closer had me distant
in my eyes i had you embraced
one breath , unapologetic hijack








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Final Day

Posted by ELFarahin | On June 06, 2025 | | No comments:

little hands reach upon the sky
clouds pass by and eyes sparkle
strong wind blows and wounds burn
if i cry would anyone run to my way

daytime walk is too lonely
nighttime keeps me awake
time passes as memory reflects
vent out won't make vain goes away

i know the devil is on my shoulder
and the angel never pat my back
life goes around and heart breaks again
but death has final day still far away




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Midnight Roleplay

Posted by ELFarahin | On June 06, 2025 | | No comments:


chains on my weak limbs
pins in my thin bones
here is midnight roleplay
the open eyes nightmare
it echoes in my head again
death is better than this


old tape has flashback rolling
tragedy and trauma on recap
here is midnight roleplay
burning pain in my chest
beastly demon in my mind
won't death be better than this ?


endless guilt and undying grief
spare no mercy on last mistakes
cry can't wash away a thing
tears are like drips of cyanide
this is my midnight roleplay
death must be better than this









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Show Up

Posted by ELFarahin | On May 31, 2025 | | No comments:

Bismillah . Assalamualaikum

Last Tuesday , I attended my doctor's appointment as usual . While I was waiting for my turn , I noticed something heartwarming . This wasn't my first time seeing it . I just felt deeper about it at that moment .

All this time , I had seen patients were accompanied by family members and friends many times . Sometimes I could hear persons at behind had friendly or casual conversation . There were kids with them too .

Seeing this moment , I heard my inner self said , " Isn't that beautiful ? " Indeed , it was . It was beautiful that those patients were supported by their closed ones as needed and supposed event though as simple as show up and be there .

I had my best friend showed up with me to attend my first few doctor's appointments . Her presence was very helpful , stronger than the tension I felt and carried during those difficult times . We talked less while waiting but just be there .

It is said that family support matters for mentally ill patients . Even though I had long ago dropped this idea , it's undeniable that there are many patients who really need their family and closed ones support . Yes , as simple as show up and be there .




Show up may be verbal and non verbal .





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From Patient To You

Posted by ELFarahin | On January 25, 2025 | | 2 comments:

Bismillah . Assalamualaikum ,

Last January 22 , I had my second therapy session . The time spent was just about maybe 40 minutes , shorter than time spent from first session . The therapy was dismissed earlier because I was in stable condition , unlike when I attended the first session . This second session surely went smoother than the first one for me .

During the second session , I spoke calmer than before . My mind was clearer and my thoughts were pretty organized too . Thin tears and trembling voice did show up each time I felt slightly overwhelming with emotions . There were a few moments where I had to confront my inner critics while sharing my good thoughts with the therapist .

What I earned the most from this second session is validation . I was validated by my therapist about how I have high self awareness and enough coping mechanism to cope with my depression and anxiety . It is a lie to say this validation is not meaningful to me . I might do reading and self-learning to raise my understanding and awareness about mental health issue , mainly related to my mental illness . However , validation from professionals do matter just to make sure I have gained proper knowledge .

Here so me tonight is to share a few pebbles I have in my hand which might be helpful for you now or later . At first , I thought to make this sharing mainly 'from patient to patient' . But I had second thought later , I want to make this sharing is 'from patient to you' . I am the mentioned patient and you are whoever might need these pebbles .

Have you ever knew about taboo words to say to people who are going through depression or anxiety ? Whoever says these taboo words will be labeled as 'red flag' instantly . However , I just recently understand these taboo words differently . From patient to you , I will highlight common three ( the so called ) taboo words and how I perceive it based on my personal understanding .

( 1 ) " Be Positive " ; Of course , I agree that be positive or thinking about positive matters can't make us move on from depression or anxiety instantly . However , there is something magical about think positively . At least one positive thought , it will create little sparks of reconnection impulse in our brain . We will think and feel better from time to time . When I was at edge , usually I would kept at least this thought at back of my head , " Nothing last forever . This is just temporary . "

( 2 ) " Touching grass " ; This line used to get on my nerves . As if my struggle to move around was dismissed . Turns out , I felt so because I missed the real meaning of this line . Touching grass is not about meet people , go out , and see the sun , like we usually think . Actually , it is about reactivating sensory system ; smell , taste , touch , sight , and hearing . The least stimulation we experience , the more intense the numb we feel . I'm still struggling to practice touching grass too . I can hardly leave my room .

( 3 ) " Be grateful " ; Receiving these words do make us feel like the bad guy . As if our hardships are too little and unburdenning . From my deeper understanding , be grateful is not about belittle our difficulties . It is about growing sense of feeling satisfaction and achievement . It is about be in the present , give gratitude to what we still have and can do . Lately , I found happiness from tidying up my bed after waking up and before I went to bed ( feeling like preparing bed for a princess haha )

In any case , we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves . We shouldn't push our energy beyond the limit . It is common to feel weak when we are too ill . Don't force ourselves to act tough . It is not up to us to recover from flu but our body system . All we can do are to take medicine and extra rest . Same thing goes to mental health . Do what we can . While that , hold on the awareness we have gained .

Do you still remember that we were given one same title for writing test ? Yet each student wrote different story . Aren't that amazing ? Aren't that says a lot about us ? Not everyone speak our language . Not everyone thinking the way we do . Not everyone need more understanding and awareness as much as we do . So hold on the worth and meaning of those lame lines rather the words . Same view , different perspective .

I am a person who functions with details . The more I know , the higher my awareness , the more meaningful that something to me . When science says " Family support does matter " , I break it with " I need people who know how and can support me " . When poet says " It is like have demon in the head " , I break it with " I make friend with enemy ( turns out it is never an enemy ) " . Here when taboo words are spreading , I dig into deeper meaning and different understanding that makes me feel better .

My writing was never short . The words overflew and I end up writing both diary and thoughts on same page . While I keep going with word by word , my heart and brain breathe with relief . It is mesmerizing how writing can make me feel so much . This person has lots of unsay thoughts and feelings . This person has lots to say but writing is more likely her best language . Until here then , see you in later post . Nite nite


Same title , Different story .




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