Fight

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I'm not sure when did it really started
I don't know how can this world seems so hard to live
and why my life has been such a difficult fight

have been keeping it all hidden
have been keeping it all silent
today i try to be loud so listen
I'm going to let it all out so pay attention
I have been hurting myself
I know I'm the assasin and everyone is just faceless criminal
slit my skin, bleed my pain
every night I have been crying in vain
every day I wish I would ride a paper crane
let go everything and walk my final lane

this life has been a difficult fight
tell myself that I can make it right
I can do this right
everything will be alright
but how many lies should i tell
from white to grey and now i can't even spell
if this is a game shall i count my score
should i fight more and hurt more
though i can't do it no more
i can't do it no more.












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Beast

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Image result for butterfly anime gif black white
i tried my best
i tried my best to be happy
more sugar in my coffee
invited myself to the party
been in the crowd and acted noisy
i tried my best to live happily

i tried my best
i tried my best yet i'm still feeling like this
what it worths when my best became the worthless
i am speechless, restless, and sleepless
within me there is an ugly beast
my anxiety is her favorite feast

i tried my best
i thought i tried my best to be happy
more sugar in my coffee but i wasn't thirsty
avoided the crowd, canceled the party
now, under the sheet i cry silently
i tried my best to live happily
















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Gun

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hands off, don't touch me
stay away, don't get closer
stay still, don't cross the border
stop, don't pull the trigger
because here is the danger

there is a gun inside my head
pointing at life that I want to protect
I fight, I flinch, yet it still stays intact
like parasite drying the host out
no other way, I get to watch out

back up, keep the distance
I may be a weapon but also a poison
I know I am just broken
can be fix but keep feeling frightened
maybe I'm just not confident

hands off, don' touch me
there is a gun inside my head
fully loaded and I am the target
it's dangerous so turn your back
I pull the trigger, it is just another slack









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Faouzia Born Without A Heart

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Assalamualaikum...


Ramadhan kareem, people!
I just found this hidden gem two days ago.
She just popped out of nowhere on my Youtube home lol.
I was so tempted with her bold voice and high vocal.
She worth bigger audience so I just want to share
this underrated super talented singer with y'all.


I'm an angel, tell me what you mean by that
I take it all and I will never give it back
I don't feel sorry every time I see you cry
Every time you start, I'm waiting for your tears to dry

I don't really care, and I never will
That's the way I am, such a bitter pill
I don't really care, how much silence kills
That's the way I am

No, I wasn't born without a heart
I wasn't always like this, no
Watched you break me, no
Now you blame me
No, I wasn't born with all these scars
And that's what made me like this, no
Can you blame me? No

I'm a nightmare, I know what you mean by that
I can't wake up from all these scary dreams I have
I don't really care, and I never will
That's the way I am, such a bitter pill
I don't really care, how much silence kills
That's the way I am

No, I wasn't born without a heart
I wasn't always like this, no
Watched you break me, no
Now you blame me
No, I wasn't born with all these scars
And that's what made me like this, no
Can you blame me? No

I wasn't born like this
Hurt people, hurt people
I'd rather be heartless
Than have my heart in pieces

No, I wasn't born without a heart
I wasn't always like this, no
Watched you break me, no
Now you blame me
No, I wasn't born with all these flaws
And that's what made me like this, no
Can you blame me? No



Related image

This song is just so related that it captured me deeply straight through my heart. At half of the minutes, I listened to this with a motivated feeling like "What do I did wrong?" ego but then the other half of it caught me drowning in a feeling of lost. I noticed I have been growing into someone with cold personality. Sometimes I thought I was too selfish for guarding myself too much that I ended up pushing people away even though they showed me their interest to get closer to me. Sometimes I also thought that I did the right  thing for myself. However, none of it was painless. And now I'm not sure anymore. Just practically breathing fine.







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Attention

Posted by | On | | 5 Comments
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Why are you looking at me in that way?
Where are you actually looking at?
Is it my bleeding hand or the other one with blade?
Or is it the knot that is wrapping tightly around my neck?

Where are you looking at?
Not there but here
Look at me and come closer
Face me though it is all pale

Barely open but I'm not blind
Red eyes and still sored and swollen
Not crying but I'm still mourning
Last night cries left me whining

Why are you looking at me in that way?
Are you surprised or showing sympathy?
Where are you actually looking at?
Is it my upcoming death or my falling life?















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ELFollowers

I'm very confused about myself and unsure about most of things lately. too irrational even though i tried to rational things =( -15/05/2019-