Weak Mind

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Hello, peeps! Apa khabar semuanya?
Puasa macam mana? Masih perform tak setakat ni? Hihi
it have been weeks Farahin biar blog ni sunyi. Sunyi tak bermakna tak berkata-kata.
Ada je tapi tak terdaya nak diluahkan. Hmm. I think I am going to write some of it today.
Sementara menunggu waktu berbuka ni. Haha

Weak Mind. That's how I was for this almost whole semester.
Something wrong here and there until my productivity pun terganggu.
Also, Farahin banyak nangis this semester.
It was like all those hardships and impossibilities that I went through
from previous two years and before that hit me hard at the back of my head.
I felt dizzy, anxious, tired, regrets, fear, depressed, and for sure, weak.
I did triggered my mind with positivity but it seemed not really listening this time.

Just today another thought went through my mind.
I would like to withdraw a course.
It was like I tried to put a blame on it for me being like this.
Yet, I know it was just a false statement.
I know it was me in trouble here.
And I tried to pass it without to face it any longer.
This is my honesty. I am tired.
I want to get chill. I want to feel rest.

Dari awal bergelar mahasiswa and now dah nak habis tahun tiga,
this is the worst state I went and am going through.
It is like watching building collapse piece by pieece, slowly.
yet I am here trying to tell myself,
"it's okay. at least i am still breathing. at least i am still alive."
I am trying hard to feel grateful yet I feel bad more at the other side.
I don't feel great.

I know this feeling. It is like a sudden storm at the middle of bright day.
Even there is the sunlight, cannot help it not to feel scare.
I already feel this way since I was kid.
Tapi sebab Farahin masih budak pada ketika tu I had never put it into a deep thought.
I wish I can be that naive kid again. Growing is suck! That was what another my bad thought told me.

So, yeah. I think I can stop here.
Dah pukul tujuh pun. Selamat berbuka semua!

when you're happy, you enjoy the song.
when you're sad, you understand the lyrics.



we're all stars that brightens each other starlight a little bit better for the better -07/05/2020-