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Welcome to District'15.
I'm the mistress, Farahin.
Jan '96 is my sacred date.
I think and feel too much.
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Hello November

Posted by ELFarahin | On November 05, 2019 | | 2 comments:
Assalamualaikum...
Image result for black depression aesthetic
Hello, November ! Hello, people !
How are you today ? Sihat ke semuanya ?
Bagi yang sakit tu (macam Farahin hehe), get well soon !

Alhamdulillah. It's already november now. I made it for 8 months. And now it's my 4th month on medication. Back then, tak terlintas langsung di fikiran yang I could make it this far. Banyak yang dah Farahin tangiskan dan luahkan. Antaranya ialah, "Susah, doktor. Susahnya nak hidup tanpa nafsu nak hidup."

Alhamdulillah. Berkat sekecil-kecil usaha, senipis-nipis harapan dan nafsu yang ada, kalau Farahin tak menapak ke hospital pada hujung Julai hari tu, belum tentu hari ni Farahin dapat buat post ni. Mungkin masih terbaring meraung di atas tilam. Mungkin dah bercalar-balar dengan luka dan parut. Mungkin tak ada pun dekat bumi Allah ini.

Supposed semalam lagi Farahin pergi klinik kesihatan universiti untuk monitor blood pressure as requested by my doctor. Tapi I was depleted. As well as today too. Tapi Alhamdulillah hari ni dapat bangun pagi walaupun lewat. Sempat sarapan. Mandi. Nature call. Inshaallah. Esoklah pergi monitor blood pressure tu. Kalau ditanya kenapa tak datang Isnin dan Selasa, cakap je lah kan yang Farahin tak bangun haha. Tapi sebelum ni tak ada pun ditanya.

Sejak dapatkan rawatan, Farahin memang open je dengan orang pasal my mental illness. Kadang-kadang tu self doubt juga. Rasa macam aku ni attention seeker ke? Aku ni TMI ke? Aku ni gini? Aku ni gitu? But then I reminded myself again and again, yang itu semuanya stigma. Farahin pusing balik niat asal, apa yang buat Farahin rela open up with people about it. Bukan ke untuk break that stigma within me and the people around me? Bukan ke untuk sama-sama melaungkan suara prihatin dengan mereka yang masih tak kuat untuk bersuara meminta tolong? Bukan ke kerana Allah?

Yes. I'm a MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) patient. I'm that girl who smiles and calls your name. I'm that girl who sits and eats in the same area with you. I'm that girl who loves to make friend with you. I'm that girl who cares about you as well as other patients. I'm that girl who breathes the same air and will be at mahsyar along with you. I'm just that girl.

Until here, I put the end of this post.
Thank you for your time and concern!
Have a good day and take care.
See ya =)






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