From Patient To You

Bismillah . Assalamualaikum ,

Last January 22 , I had my second therapy session . The time spent was just about maybe 40 minutes , shorter than time spent from first session . The therapy was dismissed earlier because I was in stable condition , unlike when I attended the first session . This second session surely went smoother than the first one for me .

During the second session , I spoke calmer than before . My mind was clearer and my thoughts were pretty organized too . Thin tears and trembling voice did show up each time I felt slightly overwhelming with emotions . There were a few moments where I had to confront my inner critics while sharing my good thoughts with the therapist .

What I earned the most from this second session is validation . I was validated by my therapist about how I have high self awareness and enough coping mechanism to cope with my depression and anxiety . It is a lie to say this validation is not meaningful to me . I might do reading and self-learning to raise my understanding and awareness about mental health issue , mainly related to my mental illness . However , validation from professionals do matter just to make sure I have gained proper knowledge .

Here so me tonight is to share a few pebbles I have in my hand which might be helpful for you now or later . At first , I thought to make this sharing mainly 'from patient to patient' . But I had second thought later , I want to make this sharing is 'from patient to you' . I am the mentioned patient and you are whoever might need these pebbles .

Have you ever knew about taboo words to say to people who are going through depression or anxiety ? Whoever says these taboo words will be labeled as 'red flag' instantly . However , I just recently understand these taboo words differently . From patient to you , I will highlight common three ( the so called ) taboo words and how I perceive it based on my personal understanding .

( 1 ) " Be Positive " ; Of course , I agree that be positive or thinking about positive matters can't make us move on from depression or anxiety instantly . However , there is something magical about think positively . At least one positive thought , it will create little sparks of reconnection impulse in our brain . We will think and feel better from time to time . When I was at edge , usually I would kept at least this thought at back of my head , " Nothing last forever . This is just temporary . "

( 2 ) " Touching grass " ; This line used to get on my nerves . As if my struggle to move around was dismissed . Turns out , I felt so because I missed the real meaning of this line . Touching grass is not about meet people , go out , and see the sun , like we usually think . Actually , it is about reactivating sensory system ; smell , taste , touch , sight , and hearing . The least stimulation we experience , the more intense the numb we feel . I'm still struggling to practice touching grass too . I can hardly leave my room .

( 3 ) " Be grateful " ; Receiving these words do make us feel like the bad guy . As if our hardships are too little and unburdenning . From my deeper understanding , be grateful is not about belittle our difficulties . It is about growing sense of feeling satisfaction and achievement . It is about be in the present , give gratitude to what we still have and can do . Lately , I found happiness from tidying up my bed after waking up and before I went to bed ( feeling like preparing bed for a princess haha )

In any case , we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves . We shouldn't push our energy beyond the limit . It is common to feel weak when we are too ill . Don't force ourselves to act tough . It is not up to us to recover from flu but our body system . All we can do are to take medicine and extra rest . Same thing goes to mental health . Do what we can . While that , hold on the awareness we have gained .

Do you still remember that we were given one same title for writing test ? Yet each student wrote different story . Aren't that amazing ? Aren't that says a lot about us ? Not everyone speak our language . Not everyone thinking the way we do . Not everyone need more understanding and awareness as much as we do . So hold on the worth and meaning of those lame lines rather the words . Same view , different perspective .

I am a person who functions with details . The more I know , the higher my awareness , the more meaningful that something to me . When science says " Family support does matter " , I break it with " I need people who know how and can support me " . When poet says " It is like have demon in the head " , I break it with " I make friend with enemy ( turns out it is never an enemy ) " . Here when taboo words are spreading , I dig into deeper meaning and different understanding that makes me feel better .

My writing was never short . The words overflew and I end up writing both diary and thoughts on same page . While I keep going with word by word , my heart and brain breathe with relief . It is mesmerizing how writing can make me feel so much . This person has lots of unsay thoughts and feelings . This person has lots to say but writing is more likely her best language . Until here then , see you in later post . Nite nite

Same title , Different story .