Sick Mind

Assalamualaikum...

Night, peeps! How's your day?

It's already midnight. But I think I need to put some scratches here.

It was a fine day. But it wasn't as fine as usual. My mood went off the whole day. Since morning until now. Actually this isn't my first time. This happened for sometimes. It got me tired even though I was just lying on my bed the whole day. It got me distracted even I did nothing but only being lazy.

I  don't talk since I finished my only one class today. Only texting everywhere whenever I wanted to. At some point, I had some weird creepy thought like screaming crazily, punching stuffs until my hands bleed, throwing stuffs, and more. The worst was when I started to think about between live and death. Yet I still had myself in a place doing nothing. I claimed, they were just some random thoughts.

There were noises in my mind. It couldn't be actually heard but it seemed my ears didn't lied. No matter how hard i tried to keep it shut, the stronger it got. I wanted to scream but ended up clenched my teeth. I felt anger and frustrated for no reasons. Everything I saw, I did, I heard, seemed hateful.

I used to name this one situation of my mind as 'She'. Why? Because it always remind me of my younger self and her dark secret. At this moment, I would say "she's missing me" since it had been quite long I kept her silent inside me. She is the negativity that I always try to conceal and she is really obedient to my demand. So yeah, sometimes she did this to me to remind me of her existence (?)

I have no complain. Just how I used to keep her close to me, I know I can handle this time by time. I couldn't throw her away no matter how dark and ugly she is. No matter what she is deserved to be loved. Because she is me. By the way, I am feeling better now after consulted my best friend. She had her day too. So we consulted each other. Our mutualism is just perfect. Haha

Till then, thank you for reading until the end.

Good night! Have a well rest, everyone =)

If you cannot find yourself, it is time to create one.