A Good Place

Posted by | On | | 3 Comments
Assalamualaikum...

Related image
Hello, readers ! Selamat malam semuanya ?
Apa khabar ? How was your day ?
Tonight I'm back with another rant !
Jemput baca sampai habis okey. hehe

Alhamdulillah. Dah 2 disember pun. Rasa macam lambat masa berlalu. Tak sangka semalam baru je 1 disember. Why do I say so ? Sebab Farahin tak expect that I would start my december with this anguish and beating feeling of self hate. And so yesterday happened to be my first cry huhu. Tak banyak pun cuma a few drops but still painful and depressing.

Okey. That was the introduction. Now let's go straight to the story. Malam ni Farahin pergi dinner dengan housemate. Bukan housemate yang Farahin mentioned from previous post tapi housemate yang lain. Housemate ni lebih rapat dengan roommate Farahin tapi malam ni roommate Farahin balik rumah (almaklum rumah dekat kannn) and unexpectedly dia ajak Farahin dinner sekali. Jadi kita on je lah kan even sebelum tu niatnya malas nak turun dinner haha. Fikir nak rendam bubur instant je hehe.

Jadi masa dinner tadi, tertengoklah juga drama melayu pukul tujuh tu kan. Eh ! Ada watak nama sarah. Teringatlah juga dekat roommate haha. After dinner, housemate ni nak pergi tapaw burger pula. Hmm macam nak pergi usha jugalah. Hari tu sarah tapaw burger situ macam sedap je. Akhirnya, Farahin pun pergilah tapaw burger dengan housemate sekali.

Sementara tunggu burger siap tu, sembanglah sikit dengan housemate ni. Actually, Farahin quite awkward dengan housemate ni. Satu, sebab loghat dia Farahin susah nak tangkap (almaklum bodoh loghat pahang even ayah orang pahang, dalam kata lain kite budak pahang celup hahahaha). Dua, entahlah pokoknya memang kekok. But tak kata Farahin tak suka dia. She is just as fine as she is.

Dah sembang tu, dapatlah tahu housemate ni anak kedua. Dia pernah bela kucing macam Farahin juga tapi dah mati and now dah dua tahun dia tak bela kucing. Farahin pun share juga yang Farahin anak tunggal dan after years tak bela kucing (yang semuanya mati dekat rumah) Farahin ada alahan kucing. Sebab at that time ada kucing datang dekat kita orang tapi tangan Farahin still gatal nak belai dia haha. Kisah apa aku alahan pun kan huhu.

From this an hour spent with housemate, terperasan Farahin akan a few things. Satu, seronoknya bila orang terfikirkan kita. Like dia ajak Farahin dinner berdua dengan dia even kita orang tak lah rapat mana. Tambahan, Farahin pun tak banyak cakap dengan dia. To me that is just an on-going process for introvert to approach and to be approached by others. Walaupun Farahin rapidly jadi lebih rapat dengan roommate sekarang.

Dua, masih kuat terngiang-ngiang statement doktor pasal Farahin mudah attach to people. Betul. Farahin tak nafikan. Tapi Farahin tak boleh terima kalau statement ni generally merujuk kepada behaviour yang kononnya Farahin desperate nak orang terima Farahin like mereka yang toxically tried to fit in with others. What I'm sure about, even I don't like that kind of relationship. If there is a term like a cat person, then maybe I'm a human person (too ?)

Tapi malam ni Farahin suka nak admit, "Yes. I'm easily attach to people." Contohnya, a few weeks ago Farahin ada a few times juga dinner lauk tomyam yang sebelum ni not even a dish yang my taste buds familiar with. In different words, Farahin kurang minat dengan tomyam sebenarnya (anything that tastes too strong to my tongue lol). Jadi apa yang buat Farahin kinda attached to this dish ? It is all because of my roommate. 

Dalam bulan yang sama juga (november), Farahin ada had lunch with a good friend dekat nasi kukus mama. I'm sure ramai yang biasa dengan this brand. Tapi bulan lepas was my first time makan dekat situ. Sebelum ni cuma tapaw dari kawan kepada kawan haha. And I also had another lunch with my rommate at the same place a few days later. By that time, I had this feeling of attachment. Bukan cuma toward my rommate, my good friends, my best friends, but toward all people yang Farahin rasa worth my care and love.

Farahin noticed, It is a good place when there are good people as well as good food. Even this thought was inspired from that little moment I shared with someone, I think it is also works in other occasion. Contohnya, bila kita rasa toksik dengan siapa atau di mana kita berada we will directly know this is not good for us. Dan kenapa Farahin guna "are" instead of "is" ? Let's say if there is only a kind and good people yang kita jumpa dekat satu tempat tu, tak ke rasa kita terlupa akan sesuatu ? Kita mungkin lupa yang kita juga patut dikira sebagai good people. Don't you think so ?

Okey. Berbalik pada kisah tomyam tadi. Kenapa Farahin kata sebab roommate lah Farahin jadi gian dengan tomyam ? Pertamanya, Farahin tak nafikan tomyam ni rasanya boleh tahan. Tapi yang keduanya, apa yang buat Farahin feeling this very little but powerful happiness bila makan tomyam was because of how it reminded me to the memories I shared with my roommate. Dari awal jumpa, kenal, sampai sekarang. And all I can say dalam hati is "Jadi ni lah tomyam yang Sarah suka."

Sama juga ceritanya dengan minat Farahin toward rock music. Awalnya, Farahin sendiri tak boleh nak layan muzik yang orang asyik momokkan sebagai suara setan ni hahahaha. Tapi I think because of the memories I shared with a good friend from matriculation yang minatkan The Gazette, now I turned out to be a fan too (more like a listener hahahaha). And I'm also curious about the revolutions of this music and its industry. Siapa kenal Arlequin ? hehe

Hmm. Idea asalnya Farahin akan buat dua post under different titles of course. Tak sangka Farahin dapat summarised them this well hahahaha. Dua tajuk yang muncul dekat kepala sambil Farahin makan burger tadi were "Attachment" dan "Self Hate". And now, the title turned to be "A Good Place". Just so you know, I ended up with that title while I'm writing it hahahaha.

So now it is already 2nd December. I have 16 days left before the next appointment as well as 16 pills to be finished. By now, there are still 17 pills sebab Farahin still belum makan ubat untuk malam ni. I will take it after make this post published hehe.

Hmm so it is another long long post again.
Just so you know I really would like to share this little happiness with y'all.
Thank you for your time and concern !
Have a good rest. Goodnight.
xoxo =)




When you can't prevent the toxic, you can avoid it.
Otherwise, you have to face it.







3 comments:

Sha Mohamed said...

Salam perkenalan.. tq singgah blog sha..
Follow sini..

Sha Mohamed said...

A bit heavy tapi perkongsian yang ohsem..
Kadang-kadang benda kecil pun mampu membahagiakan kita..
apa yang roomate Farahin buat tu bagus.. Walaupun tak rapat tapi makan berdua boleh jadi satu permulaan..
Jangan lupa makan ubat ye..

ELFarahin said...

@Sha Mohamed salam perkenalan ! tenkiu sebab read and follow.

true. i like that kind of approach. also, i hope to make that kadang2 selalu even though selalu terlupa huhu. hehe ubat memang kena makanlah kalau tak nanti doktor bebel hahahaha

hmm kan heavy kan hehe

ELFollowers

just because i'm a mental illness patient, doesn't mean i'm less human. -06/11/2019-