Love Language

Assalamualaikum...

Hello, readers! How're y'all today?

I'm just doing so-so. Average, maybe?

I've been worrying about a few matters this few days.

When I mentioned worry, I'm very close to anxiety.

Or maybe supposed, I already did?

And my biggest worry today is this person I love.

I think I did mentioned it before about my roommate. I thought I would wrote about her back then it seemed I wasn't, yet? Guess today's post is made for her. In very short time, just a semester, I've been growing fond on this girl. Her name is Sarah. 2 years younger than me. Yet I let her called me only by my name because I love it like that.

During our final 3 to 4 weeks as roommates before I packed my things and went home, we just about to get warmer to each other. We really took pretty long time to be very close. Perhaps because of our age gap. Perhaps because of our routine and personality. Perhaps because we were both ill. Yes. She is also a mental illness patient. I only got to know that three days before I  went home. She had been on treatment for two months back then. I appreciated that she opened up to me. A lot.

The last time I met her was the end of last february. February 28, to be exact. We were both excited to meet again. We handled our study deferment together. We went to Big Bad Wolf held in the campus together and shopped a few books. We walked and laughed together. We ate her favorite Oreo ice cream together. We took selfie for second time since the first one we took very long ago, during our first time waiting for rapid bus together. We had our second hug since the first we had before I went home.

That last time I spent time with her, I was actually noticed something but I refused to mention it boldly to her. I actually saw her was sobbing and holding her tears a few times. When I noticed that, my spirit went high that I kept offer her my laughs, smiles, and jokes. I let my good vibes all out to her and for her until later night I was exhausted, more like depleted physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I think this can be considered as my hypomania symptoms.

Even after that last meeting, we still get in touch. Mostly, we spent our daily routine with fangirling. However, there were times we encouraged each other. Again, I appreciated that she opened up to me. Yet it is just me that still pretty difficult at being open to her. Not because her side but mine. My courage. My mind. My heart. I promised her that someday I will. I will. I promised.

So here is the current matter. She has been offline for a few days. My instinct tell me that perhaps she is encountering her difficult time. I thought I would let her had her time and I would approached her a few days later. Yet, she is still offline. Her instagram is very silent. Her whatsapp has no profile photo and remarked as Unavailable. I cannot help to not feel worry. I texted her today. I don't mind whether she will replies it or not. It's enough just to have blue tick.

I'm very worry that I'm about to cry. Yes. I'm very anxious. Her last status I viewed, I noticed she was depressed yet we were still able to do our daily routine. But now she goes all silent, from worry, I become to miss her. Then, I noticed, how much I love this girl. I wish I can be with her. I wish I can offer her a few hugs and pats. I wish I can cry and feel a bit of her sufferings together. My heart is very heavy. My head too. And my tears fall at this line.

All I asked, all I can do, may Allah protect her, bless her, guide her, wherever she is, whatever she's doing and facing. I wish Allah send my love for her in every second I whisper her name in my heart, in my mind. I wish she can feel my love for her. I wish she will get online soon. Now, I'm actually sobbing. I wish it is just me being dramatic. I wish she is all safe and fine. Please, Lord.

To Sarah, I miss you. I love you.

I'm here for you, dear.

Time doesn't decide how fond you get to someone.
It's matter of heart that want to work the bond.