Pinocchio (Taemin x Bewhy)

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Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
the lies i tell you is expressionless
i am used to it
but i wanna be, wanna be

Under the white smile, the black lies
I pretend as if they were true
as if they were sincere

The truth that is hidden deeper inside
At this rate, I think I may lose my real self

I'd rather, someone else
To see right through me, Oh I

Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
the lies i tell you is expressionless
i am used to it

Rather, I wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I'm used to it
But I wanna be wanna be

My expression and attitude lack of transparency
Nobody sees through my fake attitude
I'm used to lying
where has my innocence gone
Standing between love and business
I don't even know my real intentions
My unconsciousness is like poison to me
My craving for innocence strangles me

Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
the lies i tell you is expressionless
i am used to it

Rather, I wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I'm used to it
But I wanna be wanna be

If I'm gonna live with a mask on
If I'm not going to be honest
I'd rather be
The innocent Pinocchio

If I'm gonna live with a mask on
If I'm not going to be honest
I'd rather be
The innocent Pinocchio

Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
my lies even fool me
I'm used to it

Rather, I wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I'm used to it
But I wanna be wanna be

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Stuck between assignments, mini projects, and final year project. The only pill I take to keep my eyes open and my mind working, other than snacks and game is songs. So I let my youtube played for hours and then it reached to this clip. It was the clip from a show of this year named The Call and the Season 1 is already ended. The moment I listened to this song, I was so captivated.

Taemin is one my favorite singers. His songs and dances are all so breath taking. While Bewhy is the very first Korean rapper I know. I don't really listen to his work but I remember watching his live of Day Day. The combination of this duo was almost impossible but not anymore.

What amazed me most is the song. The poetic lyrics, the beat that is like sounds of calm heartbeat, all got me chained up. Guess anyone can relate to this song. About the lies and secret that we try so hard to keep yet at the same time we hope someone can just see it without saying anything. Like those lies and secrets are nothing to point out.


Nano Punishment

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I walk down the street we walked on numerously
not with you, but with other women
holding hands, walking.

As you can see, i'm well, i'm fine.
You can see that light
Ah, the red light in my heart has turned green
Baby, go there
Please, don't bother me
go there, go!
Do you think i'm still dwelling in the past, girl?
That you miss me, i'm sorry
that fool is no longer here.
If you want my body,
if you want to stop by,
call me, baby.
Love Love
I'll allow that time, ok.
I'll love you, ok.

I'll love you every time
why don't you know, baby?
Did you miss me?
The dead one, me?
It is the end now.
I watched you after it was over,
I still remember your walking back,
I pray you come back to me.
you, i wait.

That fool is no longer here.
If you want my body,
if you want to stop by,
call me, baby.
Love Love
I'll allow that time, ok.
I'll love you, ok.

Everything has changed.
This street too, has changed.
Let's turn the clock back together.
Why don't you came back?
What more do you want from me?
You will be abandoned
You are my toy to play with,
sick of you, it's over, ah, go!
you know, go there, go!
Do you think i'm still dwelling in the past, girl?
That you miss me, i'm sorry
that fool is no longer here.
If you want my body,
if you want to stop by,
call me, baby.
Love Love
I'll allow that time, ok.

Image result for nano punishment music video

Just a little sharing. I'm so in love on how the ego of the persona is expressed in this song. He's hurt but trying to move on. He's still hanging on a thin hope but trying to be more defensive for himself and let go. He make threats and sarcasms yet still in love. To me, this is just a struggle of someone who is still hanging on the past but trying hard to move on. The thought of hate is the best armor still cannot changes the heart that is used to love and be kind. At last, fact is fact. We face it and just do anything that we could.


Default Mode

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Hello, peeps! How're you all?
Me? I'm fine. But a bit mess up. Haha
Why? Because midsem break is over!!

My head starts getting dizzy now.
It seems there are a lot of work to do already.
Assignment, final year project, assignment, and more up coming assignments.
I'm still trying to reset myself now.
My student mode still lagging lol.

Thinking about tomorrow,
it feels like I'm losing half of my fully charged battery.
On Monday, I have two classes like usual. 2 hours each.
During break or free time, I may working on my assignment then.
The next day, I may have another weekly presentation.
I checked on the notes just now. Ugh!! I don't get any of it.
Which means I have to study it more and more and more more more!!
Yet now I just want to lie down and being lazy.

Cannot think more. I will just keep thinking of the same things tho.
I only wish and pray that this second half of the semester will be good and better.
I hope I will remain good too. My mental, my health. Inshaallah.
Now, I start to feel nervous. Phewww

Till here, may our day will be better day by day.
Thank you for coming and reading this.
Good luck!
xoxo =)

so what if i fell, if i bleed myself and catch in pain, gasp for air and choke in is just me trying to keep up with this unfamiliar survive the fight that is impossible to retreat.


New Taste

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Hello, readers! It's a night post, again. Haha
How was your day? Here, it was raining since afternoon until evening.
So now it is quite cold and chill. I like it tho.
Remember? I love gloomy and rainy days.

Today, I went out with my aunt. Used to call her Mak We. She always asking me out every time I was at home. And I could not find any good reason to reject. Techincally, I don't know how even though at times I don't feel to go anywhere even a step out from my room, huu.

Okay. That is for the intro. That is not what I want to write about tonight. What I want to write about is already stated in the title. Yes, recently I kinda have new taste. I mean, tastes.

Obviously, you all know and can see that I am a kpoper. I enjoy groupy singers who are dancing and being ecstatic on the stage. Kpop itself make me interested more with Korea including its language, traditions, lifestyle, people, fashion, thoughts, and etc. Not to get myself randomly exposed and influenced by its negativity but to understand or at least to get me familiar with one of this world diversities.

Besides that, Kpop also make me open my ears to listen more to songs and music. Not just for its entertainment purpose but also for its hidden messages from those lyrics and melody. I am absolutely not a musician. But I am a good listener. My ears always ready to hear, especially for things that some common people don't have will to hear.

As whole, Kpop make me want to explore more and more. Hear more and more. Until at one time, I stopped at this one youtube channel named WLK. During that time, to me WLK was kind of a strange channel. It was a channel that uploaded hundreds of video songs. But the songs were not songs that I used to listen to. Yet, I got hooked by it. And I am still.

Since then, I finally knew, " this is it." This is it. Songs that used to give me that 'morning dew' or 'midnight chill' vibe whenever I listen to it. Those echos, beats, studio sounds, husky but still soft, calm like a small lake but still deep, soft and strong. Ahh, so this is what Korea R&B sounds like. Like I said, I'm not a musician. I just listen, to anything that make me feel good. But because of this one youtube channel, I finally get familiar to it.

This genre is so much different than my Kpop thing. Kpop, it is like action movies that make you sweating and crying at times. Yet this Korea R&B, it is like silent movies that cause you to have cold feet for its unscripted stories but still get you to follow it until the end. Mysterious and beautiful at the same time.

That's why, I feel glad knowing WLK. Plus, this channel actually trying to pave way for those underrated artists. To me that is so genuine. Plus plus, most songs that I have listened from this channel are very good and artistic. Don't mind the language. I can feel the artists' efforts, emotions, and all they had put into the song. Today, a few names already stacked in my head such as Kream, JayMin, Clad, June, Villain, and G.Nine. I enjoy their voices and songs very very much.

To me, this is still miraculous. I don't expect to groove at this genre other than Kpop. Not to compare. Practically, there is nothing to compare. Both genres are actually good and strong. Unique and independent. Artistic in its own way. Maybe I have mentioned this before or maybe not, other than my talent in drawing I actually pretty attach to art including music, specifically the sound of music.

Till here, that is all about my new taste.
To make it longer, my new music taste.
No no no I'm not throwing Kpop away haha.
Anyway, thank you for coming and reading this.
So what is your preferred music? Anything that you attach to?
Do comment okay. Good night.
xoxo =)

"If I had a pair of wings, I would have left here with you,
place where have no pain and wounds" - Kream


Sweet November

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Image result for super junior one more time japan ver
Hello, people! How was your day today?
I hope it good. Even if it wasn't, I hope you're still good.
Inshaallah. Tomorrow will be a better day.

For tonight post, I would like to share a bit about my hanging out day with my best friends today. The opening was a breakfast at RailwayCoffee before we took off to shopping mall to have survey on Popular haha. Our very first intention was just to smell the books. Yet two of my friends did bought stuffs at the book shop.

After that, we were just randomly walking around the area of karaoke until we started to randomly being curious over claw pets and more arcade games at the area. The blue rm started to change into token and tokens. We ended up playing around with the arcades even those which actually for kids play. Would like to mention, this was our very first time in our very first sweet 22 playing those stuffs lmao.

Next, we finally went to the karaoke. We actually were waiting for the happy hour, which offered one hour free. That make it two hours for us to spend, haha. Room 21, we entered, where everyone started to be hysterical and losing voices and ended up using falsetto like dying donkeys, bwahahahaha. The last song was Pesan by Irfan Haris booked by me, we sang well for the closing tho, hehe. No mention two rounds for I Will Show You by Ailee during those two hours, huhu. It was a kpop song with high harsh notes, pheww.
Image result for super junior choki choki gif
p/s: not this bad i mean worst tho. those men were all absolutely possessed lmao
Out from the karaoke, everyone was on mute mode lol. Also, we were all prepared for luncheonnnn! No thinking back and forth, kfc was the very first resort. We went to another mall where it was located. It wasn't like the previous mall doesn't have it. Let's say, we were intentionally wasting fuel and polluting the air, keke. Make order, order finished, eat eat eating time!

Then, here came the membawang session. Rommates, lecturers, courses, uniform training; as for me sispa and the other friend is palapes, crushes, siblings and more. Most of the time, like usual, like always, I enjoyed listening to their talks and stories. One of the impressive moments was, I quite talkative with this one friend which we both were actually used to categorized as passive best friends. Formerly, originally, we didn't talked a lot to each other since school like random useless unbeneficial talks. But today, we were quite talkative that make the other two friends kept teasing us, hee.

Done eating and talking, we were ready to back home. How fast time passed. From 9.00 am, it was finally 4.00 pm. Despite of that, we did had a lot like very too much laughs, jokes, and fun. Just with whom would I being and felt like this. I like my smile the most when I was with them. Because I knew how genuine my feeling was whenever they were with me. It took me 14 years to have this very precious friendship and now it closed to a decade worth. I'm so married to them.

Sweet november, sweet grilfriends, sweet twenty two!
Everyone have their stories, their scenes, their black and white. So do I. That's why I'm so into them. Back then, when I didn't had this thing called true friend, I was quite anti to this life and world. Question after question, just to burn this life with hatred. Until I met these three angels. No wings, no halos, just hearts and honesty. Alhamdulillah. I wish this friendship will last longer and longer until forever. Oh no! I'm about to have snot, haha.

Oh my! this is not a little sharing. too long already. ha-ha ha-ha

Till here, thank you for reading this.
I pray your realtionship and friendship are and will be good too.
No rush. No harsh. You'll meet your angel soon or later.
Good luck!
xoxo =)

Nothing is just another counting. Because when I'm with you,
even everything becomes uncountable.


Ugly Flower

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it's hurt when it's hurt
i have no mean to cover it up
but it's ugly when it's hurt
that wound, it's ugly
hurt more and more

it's hurt how your sharp eyes judging me
it's hurt how your soft whispers cursing me
it's hurt when it's hurt
i have no mean to cover it up
but the wound is opened again

it's hurt no matter how good i handle it
the wound stings my chest, burns my head
gasping for air when i'm still breathing fine
grab on thin spirit that only left
it's hurt when it's hurt

i'm the one who with thorn
i'm the one that is rotten
i'm the ugly and wounded living
why you have to cut on my root
why you have to torn my growing petals
it's hurt when it's hurt
i'm hurt and wounded.


Waiting Again

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Image result for anime messy bedroom gif
Days had passed
I'm still lying around
Pillows keep me company
Blanket covers me head to toe
Sigh, why are you not showing up?

Cold coffee, burning sunlight
I'm scrolling up our old chats
"I miss you" you sent very often
Phrases that make me waiting
Sigh, why are you quiet now?

Home sweet home
Why do I feel this lonely?
Messy hair, messy mind
You're making me waiting again
I miss you, you know.


Planner 2019 Giveaway by Lullabyssz

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Planner 2019 Giveaway by Lullabyssz
Hello, peeps! Look look what I got. There is a cool giveaway to join!
The prizes are all adorable. Click the banner to be directed to host's blog!
Qucik quick! It's only a one month giveaway. You got another 24 days to consider.
Good luck!
xoxo =)



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*click on image to listen to the song that aspired me to write this poem

Tonight, I am awake again
Staring at the infinity dark
Even the moonlight seems dimmer
I am wanting you again
Missing you more and more

Heavy breath, broken soul
Why did you leaved me?
Why I could not utter that even now
Never mind the reason
I am not angry, I won't

Tonight, I am still this lonely
Your scent still get me suffocating
Trembling body, frozen
Why did you being this cold?
I am still wanting you
Missing you more and more.


ELFiction : Super Duper Namchin (Siwon)

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Image result for super junior one more time japan siwon

Finally, a fanfiction after years! Basically, I have no theme for this. I just made it. At first, the image that came into my mind was my beloved Yesung. But then, came the soft and kind angel Letteuk. Followed after that was gentleman Siwon. However, most of this was made with Siwon-based. Still, character specification is not yet decided. Let's say, I just pouring out my fanfiction-writing needs lol. Also, excuse my grammar hehe. Happy Reading! And don't forget to leave a comment. xoxo =) 

Good looking, well dressed, silky black hair, pink lips, fair skin, I thought it was just my imagination. I thought it was more likely a fantasy that was can never be real. Until he looked straight into my eyes and gave a small but bright smile. It felt like a sharp and fast lightning stroke my heart and caused my body went numb simultaneously.

“Hi! Regular, please.”

I thought I heard things. But never mind. I would rather looking at this very charming and fantasy-like man who was standing and looking at me. Did he even spoke to me?

“Ehem. Excuse me, miss.”

Yes. Seemed like he did.

“Miss.” He snapped his two fingers right in front of my face

I was puzzled and went blank for awhile. Like magic, I finally settled down that all of this was not my mind’s creation. It was a gift, a bless! He was real.

“Yes? Err…I’m sorry. May I have your order?” There, I was totally exposed. Awkward and dumbfounded.

“Err…regular one.”



My fingers would not move. My eyes were looking at the machine just like how I was looking at my calculus notes as always; confused, messed up, dead end.

“I’m sorry. What do you mean by regular?” I asked. Unprofessionally.

He was silent. His clear dark brown eyes were looking at me, sending me another electric shot that frozen me head to toe.

“I don’t think you’re new.”


I shook my head while covering my mouth with the both hands. Lord! This man really messed me up. My guts were jumping and spinning like dry laundry. Nauseous and anxious.

“Never mind. Maybe you’ve a lot in minds. We’ve met a few times. I am one of the regular customer here. And of course, I always make the same order. With the same person.”


Stop! This man totally a mess. Which I impossible to clean it up. Wake up, girl! He was just a good looking customer with manga-character-like features.

“I’m sorry. I’m quite lost today. Yes. Yes, I remember. I have your order.”

Finally, my fingers were working. Pressing on buttons and setting up his regular order just like my memory told me. I knew he was watching me. I meant, my work. Maybe waiting for another stupid flaw. However, I could felt the warmth that caused my two cheeks burning.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yes, sure.” I tried to relax my tone but it still not working much.

“Aren’t you working too hard? You’re not looking quite good.”

“Thank you for your concern. But I’m fine.” A bit pretentious but polite. Just if he knew how fine he was that I could not felt fine anymore. What if he knew? What would happen? Oh! Better stop thinking more nonsenses.

“Your order is getting ready and here is the receipt.” I took out the receipt from the machine and passed it to him. Yet he was busy rubbing into his pockets.

“Do you have a pen?”

“Yes. Here.” I passed the receipt along the pen that I used to keep in my apron. Just in case. 

“Is that the receipt?” He asked again.
I just nodded.

“Turn it around.” He commanded. 

“Excuse me?” Again, I was lost. But this time he totally in fault. What was with turning around the receipt? Still, I obeyed.

“Yes, like that. Write it at the back of the receipt.”

“Huh?” I was absolutely confused.

“Your number.” My eyebrows went it way up to the forehead. My brain was having its processing time. Did I heard it wrong? 

He make himself closer to the counter and rested his both hands on it. This time, no fool, he was staring right through my little dusty spectacles and met my nervous eyes.

“Write it or I won’t pay.” He threatened with his soft and gentle voice. 

A bait! Call me idiot but yes, I ate it up. Never mind why. But I did wrote my phone number on the back of receipt diligently like it was the last paper of final exam.

“Number 5!” A co-worker from the kitchen shouted my counter number which meant my orders were ready.

Finished the writing, let go the pen, I quickly got the order that was his. As I back to the counter, the receipt where my number was written already in his hands. He made his payment with some kind satisfied face. Guess I was teased by him.

“Here’s your order.”

“Keep it. It’s a trade. Plus, it seems you need it more than me. Stay good. I’ll meet you again.”

There, he said and leaved like hot brewed coffee. Unpleasant taste but aromatic smell. Make me felt dizzy but captivated. So, what should I do with the trade? It was a hot dark black coffee with two spoons of sugar. Lord! This man really messed me up. 

A one night work! So, shall I continue this or put this until here only and let your imagination flowing like super duper dreamy waterfall?? I'm thinking to continue with all current members included but still unsure. Well, it's midsem break! haha



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Image result for anime gif rain umbrella
Hello, peeps! How're you doing?
It's already 2nd November.
But yeah i'm gonna have my October talk here.
Of course. Also, greetings to November! Haha

So, my October went well and ended well.
Maybe not that well. But still, Alhamdulillah.
I'm still alive and trying to survive longer lol.

Looking back at my mood last month,
I would call it Octoblue.
That's where I got the title for this post. Haha
Why I literally said so?
Because of these.

Sky is one of my favorite nature.
Rainy and gloomy days always give me chill.
Soft wind and the smell of wet grass, they are so wonderful.
And blue? Obviously it's my favorite color.

Those shots are all taken in October, in order. My campus.
I was quite exposing there. Hehe
My eyes just cannot looked straight ahead while walking
but looked up at those soft and fluffy stuffs there. Haha
And my hands, suddenly they were so eager to do some experiments
on the phone camera.
Well, I was and am satisfied.

With that, here I conclude this very short post.
Thank you October and see you again next year.
And, Hello November! Hello midsem break! lol
Happy Deepavali to our Indian friends too.
Thank you for reading this until this last line.
xoxo =)

maybe it's not because of the height and distance but
because i'm at this bottom which everything seems all beautiful.



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berpaksi pada graviti
mendongak ke langit tinggi
melangut menghitung hari
goyah namun tetap berdiri
apakah esok masih menanti?

berpijak pada bumi
menunduk ke hujung kaki
melangkah meskipun tidak berani
memikul bebannya perasaan
apakah esok tetap menjadi?

yang tersembunyi biarkan berinti
yang tidak pasti usah direka konklusi
tiap detik yang melepasi titik waktu
jangan dijangka yang infiniti
paksinya masih di sini.



assumption is a bad conclusion. -05/01/2020-