Restless

Assalamualaikum...

I feel restless from doing nothing. This truth has been often lingering in my mind. Currently, I'm taking break from working life. I thought I would like to have a period of me-time. There are things I would like to do and get done for myself. As days to weeks passed, I realized how come my "taking break from working life" turns into "must get things done daily" ? I maybe free from working life stress now. But I realized I've replaced the stress with another kind of stress. I don't actually taking break and I feel restless.

There is also this matter related to counseling session I attended. I just attended it twice. Of course, there will be third session and so on. Just like what I had found on internet, counselor will guide client to practice and have better lifestyle. From two sessions I had attended, there were good and nice things I got to bring home. However, along with me there was this fear hiding in my shadow. I feel like I've started carrying another load of expectations from someone. I told myself many times, "It's not expectation. It's a practice. I'm allowed to do it at my own pace." Yet I still feel restless.

Previously, long time ago, I had spoke my mind that "Do nothing is also productive." but later I forgot. It was the restlessness I had been feeling so often, even now, that made it hit the back of my head. Why do I feel restless about actually have rest, be relax, and act leisure? Why should I remain high functioning? Breathe in. Breathe out. How come taking break is a bad thing, as if? There is error in my nerves system. I've been worrying about this and that. My mind is always busy. And my heart...yes, it feels restless.

Until here then. I have a lot in mind but I can't find proper words to deliver yet. I'll come back. Maybe soon. Maybe later. Anyhow, I will eventually come back. My love and longing for writing and blogging aren't over. Thank you for coming over and spend your time reading this short awkward sharing. The price for not writing too long haha. See y'all again in next post. Bye bye