Rushing Thoughts

Assalamualaikum

About four days ago, I doubted my actions and thoughts almost all the time like every 3 to 5 minutes. My mind changes rapidly that I ended up feeling pissed off with myself, things I was doing and making, and other unrelated things. As I mostly active on Instagram, during the period I kept discarding, posting, and deleting my stories. This may seems funny but doing so until you felt frustrated with yourself and everything started to feel wrong wasn't fun at all. I can't even laugh to this childish behavior. I also felt like to shut down this blog hiks. This still can be considered as small thing. However, it is still a big deal when I make sense the nonsense.

Suddenly, the behavior started to be less active since 2 days ago. I only noticed this today because since yesterday I oddly became somewhat confidence with my actions and thoughts. Currently, my Instagram stories are full of mental illness and mental health basic info which I had been doing this less who knew since when. I felt like to express my love, support, and care openly. I shared my moments as mental illness patient, no matter the good or bad, and take it as somewhat kind of achievements. 'Achievements' was the word I came out with before I read a post on Instagram about an interview from my idol and between his words there was this phrase, "They (characters he played in dramas) enriched myself." I agreed. Those moments I experienced as mental illness patient, enriched myself. He was actually been asked whether the characters helped him becomes matured yet he answered it contra than the idea of 'Matured' which I felt the answer to the core of my heart haha. I admire him and his spirit.

Hmm I planned to reshare two of what I had posted in my Instagram stories so far in this post, thinking maybe it could be helpful for you to learn something about mental illness. Those two things are "Random But Common Questions Related to Mental Illness Medicine." and "Pet Is One Of Mental Illness Coping Mechanisms". I added 'Random' in the first topic because I randomly came out with three Q & A hehe.

Random But Common Questions Related to Mental Illness Medicine

Q : Does medicine really help?

A : Yes, it does. However, it's not the only solution. It's a part of it. A part of the treatment. Even first aid kit has more than just gauze and band-aid.

Q : Why my medicine doesn't work and worsen my condition?

A : Please consult your doctor. Make discussion. Share your opinion. You may ask your doctor to give you low dosage. My doctor gave me a half pill everytime I started new medicine.

Q : Does medicine causes other health complications?

A : In obvious case, yes when you're overdosed. We take medicine for healing not to become drug addict.

Pet Is One Of Mental Illness Coping Mechanisms. How?

(1) Exercise : My house wasn't really spacious but I did play run and catch, hide and seek with my cats. 

(2) Company : They can be so soft and warm when you had a breakdown. 

(3) Security : They validate your presence and existence. 

(4) Motivation : They are still playful and cheerful although they don't have limbs. So do us with ill brain. 

(5) Love reactant : A lonely heart still can love pet.

*I know that I can simply saved the stories as photos and pasted it here but what can I do?

Writing is a key of happiness @ one of mental illness coping mechanisms as well hoho.

With this sudden good behavior, I also come out with two questions which I think I will ask the doctor during my next appointment. I often felt pressured when the doctor asked me questions like "Do you think you had any improvement after taking the medicine?" or "How many percent would you give for your current condition?". I felt like I had to give good or better answer that I did previously. I also felt bad when I gave simple answers like "I think I'm fine?" or "Maybe 80%?" which I reluctantly and randomly picked a 'good' number. Yes. My answer often ended with question mark. For the next appointment, I think I will ask the doctor whether this feeling can be also considered as anxious and the current behavior I have right now after a few days feeling sick of myself can be said as rushing thoughts. Because this is how I see it but asking is better. Since assumption needs approval.

I think I'm done here. I know some of you had seen similar things in my previous posts. But spreading awareness and reminders don't hurt, right? Besides that, I think I made it simpler haha. Anyway, although mental illness is the highlight of this post, I believe you won't be less care for those without one. After all, everyone experienced mental issue at some points in their life. Whether it's normal, moderate, or clinical, everyone deserve love, support, and care. It's just each person is different in many ways and we are all have limited power to read and understand everyone. However, most things in life come in pair. Both possible and impossible happen. We can only make efforts. In this case, I encourage kind efforts. Miraculously, it only takes one kindness to brighten a blackened heart. Human are not weak. We are sensitive.

Thank you for reading! See you in later post. Love ya =)

You're not weak. You're exhausted.

It's time to recharge your energy.

You'll get and feel better later.