The Unseen

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Assalamualaikum...
Image result for anime hold hands gif
Hi, friends ! Tonight will be a random post.
Happy reading !


do i see what i see? does what is seen is what it is? i have this insane thought which i used to think that what is seen is also what is unseen. because when we know what does exists, we know something that is opposite to it is what does not exists. guess, that's what common sense means.

however, how many of us curious about what is unseen? how many of us tend to judge just based on what we see? how many of us ask some random questions that actually hit the right spot? how many of us willing to understand?

no need to look at the people around. just look at ourselves. how many eyes we tend to meet and straightly put on accusation that is not even valid to ourselves? "i'm ugly." "i'm bad". "i'm not good". "i'm useless". "i'm sorry". how many "sorry" that  we pray for instead of "thank you"?

we claimed that the society is the one is at fault. meanwhile, we're also the part of that society. we wrongly judge ourselves. we see what we want to see but not what as it is. it's the individual makes the society. so who's actually at fault now?

i, myself had my wrong. wrongs. i have pasts that are more like nightmares than just bad memories. i have scars that i put on myself. intentionally. that is how much, how bad, or maybe worst, it took for me to learn that how ridiculous it is to be sorry for something i should not be. i learned, pain over pain does not works the healing. and wrongly judging myself is not a favorable attitude.

it's a nature, a human nature, that we love everything that is beautiful to sight. but that's not the only nature we have. one of the many, we get up when we fall. unintentionally. unknowingly. embarrassingly. because life lefts us no choice but chances for changes. we have no choice to get up when we fall because that is the only chance we have so we can change this embarrassing moment to something we can proud of and laugh at for quite sometimes.

what is kindness to us? is it when someone did it to us? is it when someone gave it to us? is it when someone meant it for us? so, what it is when there is no one did so? does the kindness lost it mean just like that? in my opinion, kindness is what make me happy and satisfied. either it is done by someone else to me or me to someone, both works the same. so, stop waiting and wanting. because we can do the kindness for ourselves and others.

please. stop that attitude. stop that attitude of wrongly judging yourselves. stop that attitude of wrongly judging people. what we see, hear, feel, is as it is and not as it is. mathematically, it's 50/50 probability. those 50 have chance to change to more than 50 up to 100. yet efforts is needed. the end result is the real thing. either it is positive or negative, take it as it is and applause to the efforts we take. because efforts are matters. better lost the battle rather than being a runaway soldier.

until here, i know this post is kind of random. i don't have any actual theme. i just want to spread out the stacking messes in my mind. also, it's kind of reminder to myself. after all, wish you a better you and love yourself. always. thank you for reading this till the end. thoughts and comments, or maybe a dare confessions are open to be sent. i appreciate it.



last and least,
good luck !
xoxo =)






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Trigger

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Image result for anime girl black and white
Breath, breath, breath !
don't you feel the urge ?
the urge to breath ?
to live,
or die ?

Breath, breath, breath !
Soak in tears
Shower in sweats
feel that heat ?
the warmth of rushing blood.

Why is not the question.
Why is a rebel.
Stomp over the cold floor.
Shout at the white empty ceiling.
Live !

Hands wrapping around.
Not my trembling body
but my pale neck.
Don't you feel the urge?
the urge to breath ?
Live !










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Buzzy Lazy

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Assalamualaikum...
gifs website
Hello, peeps! How're you feeling these days?
Me? Clearly as mentioned in the title, I am buzzy lazy.
I'm busy. But also lazy at the same time. Lmao

This whole week, it's a kind of holiday. Because all my classes are done so there will be no lectures or labs anymore. However, next week will be kind of nerve wrecking. All presentations and report submission for mini projects will be due. Yet still, here me sneaking out from the hellish student's life and being scratchy scratchy on my blog. Hehe. There are still a lot more to be done but I just don't feel to switch my robot mode on.

Okay. Let's not talk about those mini projects and their fella reports. I'm here mean to have fun and being lazy. Let me tell you a story of a young officer aka Leftenan Muda Nurfarahin. Yeah, me. It was a two weeks old story though. Hahahaha

So, two weeks ago, on Wednesday, supposed I was on duty to take care of the morning role call and evening training. Unfortunately, I read my timetable wrong so I was absent during that morning role call. Just at the evening, I noticed my mistake. While that time, the evening training already started about 45 minutes ago.

Yes. I was at fault. I was clumsy. I was at blame. And for anyone who make mistake, guess it's normal to feel nervous for some reasons. So did I. I was thinking either should I just skipped the evening training and let the other young officer who volunteered to replace me that day. But I remembered one thing, all the way me went back to my dorm from a talk that I attended, I remembered my parent used to asked when will I on duty? Have I started my duty?

Somehow, remembering those questions putted my mind to sane. If I skipped that evening training, that would be a disappointment to my parent. Not just that. It will shows an immature and irresponsible me as a young officer. Obviously, not a good image for the trainees.

At last, I sped up to my room and changed my clothes and ran down again to the training place. I was an hour late since the training started. And I only had at least 45 minutes left for my duty. Anyway, I patted myself for my decision. It wasn't that big but I knew I did something right. Sometimes, we don't have that opportunity to make things back to right but we can stop it from being a bigger mistake. That's what I think. You guys should do so to yourself. Don't blame yourself all the time. Because people make mistakes, young or old no matter. The matter is what we learned from those mistakes.

Till here, guess enough for now.
Thank you for your visit!
Bubye =)



Pain over pain does not works the healing.




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Was Hectic, And Still

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Assalamualaikum...
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Hola! Apa khabar kengkawan semua?
Ya Allah what a celebration when Farahin dapat conteng2 dekat blog ni.
Hectic sangat dengan final year project.
Sampai supervisor pun sanggup stay dekat office till night
demi student dia yang slow seorang ni.
Nak nangis rasa bila jumpa supervisor semalam.
Muka ketat, jantung debo, Farahin lah tu.
Tapi dia rilek2 je. Cakap pun elok2 je. Sempat borak lagi.
I was like, Ya Allah! Baiknya sv aku ni. Terharu sangat.

Actually, I was done with everything cuma
tengah siap2 nak pergi binding then pergi ofis sv.
But then he messaged said that,
datang ambil sign je pun boleh...nanti sambung buat.
Jadi tak fikir banyak, grab everything, every document,
then berdezuppp pergi ofis sv.
I binded my report after went back from his office.
Well, susah hati pula biar sv tunggu lama2 kan 
even actually memang dah lama betul.

Apapun, just this morning I submitted all the documents to faculty.
Alhamdulillah. Lega sikit rasa. Even after that
ada presentation which I didn't study anything for it.
Because why? Because semalam pukul 11 pun dah shut down atas katil.
Farahin tak tidur semalaman kot.
I guess it was already more than 24 hours I was awake.
Pagi ni bangun pun memang kepala, badan still rasa berat.

After all, Alhamdulillah report fyp dah submit.
Tinggal presentation next week.
Minta dipermudahkan semuanya, Inshaallah.

Till here, thank you for reading this.
I'll be back. See you soon.
xoxo =)








We're not born to be paranoid but curious.
Hypothesis is accepted?




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Pinocchio (Taemin x Bewhy)

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Assalamualaikum...

Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
the lies i tell you is expressionless
i am used to it
but i wanna be, wanna be

Under the white smile, the black lies
I pretend as if they were true
as if they were sincere

The truth that is hidden deeper inside
At this rate, I think I may lose my real self

I'd rather, someone else
To see right through me, Oh I

Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
the lies i tell you is expressionless
i am used to it

Rather, I wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I'm used to it
But I wanna be wanna be

My expression and attitude lack of transparency
Nobody sees through my fake attitude
I'm used to lying
where has my innocence gone
Standing between love and business
I don't even know my real intentions
My unconsciousness is like poison to me
My craving for innocence strangles me

Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
the lies i tell you is expressionless
i am used to it

Rather, I wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I'm used to it
But I wanna be wanna be

If I'm gonna live with a mask on
If I'm not going to be honest
I'd rather be
The innocent Pinocchio

If I'm gonna live with a mask on
If I'm not going to be honest
I'd rather be
The innocent Pinocchio

Real intentions hidden under a smiling mask
it has turns cold, my gaze
my lies even fool me
I'm used to it

Rather, I wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I wanna be wanna be Pinocchio
I'm used to it
But I wanna be wanna be

Related image
Stuck between assignments, mini projects, and final year project. The only pill I take to keep my eyes open and my mind working, other than snacks and game is songs. So I let my youtube played for hours and then it reached to this clip. It was the clip from a show of this year named The Call and the Season 1 is already ended. The moment I listened to this song, I was so captivated.

Taemin is one my favorite singers. His songs and dances are all so breath taking. While Bewhy is the very first Korean rapper I know. I don't really listen to his work but I remember watching his live of Day Day. The combination of this duo was almost impossible but not anymore.

What amazed me most is the song. The poetic lyrics, the beat that is like sounds of calm heartbeat, all got me chained up. Guess anyone can relate to this song. About the lies and secret that we try so hard to keep yet at the same time we hope someone can just see it without saying anything. Like those lies and secrets are nothing to point out.




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Nano Punishment

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Assalamualaikum...

I walk down the street we walked on numerously
not with you, but with other women
holding hands, walking.

As you can see, i'm well, i'm fine.
You can see that light
Ah, the red light in my heart has turned green
Baby, go there
Please, don't bother me
go there, go!
Do you think i'm still dwelling in the past, girl?
That you miss me, i'm sorry
that fool is no longer here.
If you want my body,
if you want to stop by,
call me, baby.
Love Love
I'll allow that time, ok.
I'll love you, ok.

I'll love you every time
why don't you know, baby?
Did you miss me?
The dead one, me?
It is the end now.
I watched you after it was over,
I still remember your walking back,
I pray you come back to me.
you, i wait.

That fool is no longer here.
If you want my body,
if you want to stop by,
call me, baby.
Love Love
I'll allow that time, ok.
I'll love you, ok.

Everything has changed.
This street too, has changed.
Let's turn the clock back together.
Why don't you came back?
What more do you want from me?
You will be abandoned
You are my toy to play with,
sick of you, it's over, ah, go!
you know, go there, go!
Do you think i'm still dwelling in the past, girl?
That you miss me, i'm sorry
that fool is no longer here.
If you want my body,
if you want to stop by,
call me, baby.
Love Love
I'll allow that time, ok.

Image result for nano punishment music video

Just a little sharing. I'm so in love on how the ego of the persona is expressed in this song. He's hurt but trying to move on. He's still hanging on a thin hope but trying to be more defensive for himself and let go. He make threats and sarcasms yet still in love. To me, this is just a struggle of someone who is still hanging on the past but trying hard to move on. The thought of hate is the best armor still cannot changes the heart that is used to love and be kind. At last, fact is fact. We face it and just do anything that we could.








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Default Mode

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Assalamualaikum...
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Hello, peeps! How're you all?
Me? I'm fine. But a bit mess up. Haha
Why? Because midsem break is over!!

My head starts getting dizzy now.
It seems there are a lot of work to do already.
Assignment, final year project, assignment, and more up coming assignments.
I'm still trying to reset myself now.
My student mode still lagging lol.

Thinking about tomorrow,
it feels like I'm losing half of my fully charged battery.
On Monday, I have two classes like usual. 2 hours each.
During break or free time, I may working on my assignment then.
The next day, I may have another weekly presentation.
I checked on the notes just now. Ugh!! I don't get any of it.
Which means I have to study it more and more and more more more!!
Yet now I just want to lie down and being lazy.

Cannot think more. I will just keep thinking of the same things tho.
I only wish and pray that this second half of the semester will be good and better.
I hope I will remain good too. My mental, my health. Inshaallah.
Now, I start to feel nervous. Phewww

Till here, may our day will be better day by day.
Thank you for coming and reading this.
Good luck!
xoxo =)




so what if i fell, if i bleed myself and catch in pain, gasp for air and choke in despair..it is just me trying to keep up with this unfamiliar life..to survive the fight that is impossible to retreat.



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New Taste

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Assalamualikum...
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Hello, readers! It's a night post, again. Haha
How was your day? Here, it was raining since afternoon until evening.
So now it is quite cold and chill. I like it tho.
Remember? I love gloomy and rainy days.

Today, I went out with my aunt. Used to call her Mak We. She always asking me out every time I was at home. And I could not find any good reason to reject. Techincally, I don't know how even though at times I don't feel to go anywhere even a step out from my room, huu.

Okay. That is for the intro. That is not what I want to write about tonight. What I want to write about is already stated in the title. Yes, recently I kinda have new taste. I mean, tastes.

Obviously, you all know and can see that I am a kpoper. I enjoy groupy singers who are dancing and being ecstatic on the stage. Kpop itself make me interested more with Korea including its language, traditions, lifestyle, people, fashion, thoughts, and etc. Not to get myself randomly exposed and influenced by its negativity but to understand or at least to get me familiar with one of this world diversities.

Besides that, Kpop also make me open my ears to listen more to songs and music. Not just for its entertainment purpose but also for its hidden messages from those lyrics and melody. I am absolutely not a musician. But I am a good listener. My ears always ready to hear, especially for things that some common people don't have will to hear.

As whole, Kpop make me want to explore more and more. Hear more and more. Until at one time, I stopped at this one youtube channel named WLK. During that time, to me WLK was kind of a strange channel. It was a channel that uploaded hundreds of video songs. But the songs were not songs that I used to listen to. Yet, I got hooked by it. And I am still.

Since then, I finally knew, "ah...so this is it." This is it. Songs that used to give me that 'morning dew' or 'midnight chill' vibe whenever I listen to it. Those echos, beats, studio sounds, husky but still soft, calm like a small lake but still deep, soft and strong. Ahh, so this is what Korea R&B sounds like. Like I said, I'm not a musician. I just listen, to anything that make me feel good. But because of this one youtube channel, I finally get familiar to it.

This genre is so much different than my Kpop thing. Kpop, it is like action movies that make you sweating and crying at times. Yet this Korea R&B, it is like silent movies that cause you to have cold feet for its unscripted stories but still get you to follow it until the end. Mysterious and beautiful at the same time.


That's why, I feel glad knowing WLK. Plus, this channel actually trying to pave way for those underrated artists. To me that is so genuine. Plus plus, most songs that I have listened from this channel are very good and artistic. Don't mind the language. I can feel the artists' efforts, emotions, and all they had put into the song. Today, a few names already stacked in my head such as Kream, JayMin, Clad, June, Villain, and G.Nine. I enjoy their voices and songs very very much.

To me, this is still miraculous. I don't expect to groove at this genre other than Kpop. Not to compare. Practically, there is nothing to compare. Both genres are actually good and strong. Unique and independent. Artistic in its own way. Maybe I have mentioned this before or maybe not, other than my talent in drawing I actually pretty attach to art including music, specifically the sound of music.

Till here, that is all about my new taste.
To make it longer, my new music taste.
No no no I'm not throwing Kpop away haha.
Anyway, thank you for coming and reading this.
So what is your preferred music? Anything that you attach to?
Do comment okay. Good night.
xoxo =)





"If I had a pair of wings, I would have left here with you,
place where have no pain and wounds" - Kream




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Sweet November

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Assalamualaikum...
Image result for super junior one more time japan ver
Hello, people! How was your day today?
I hope it good. Even if it wasn't, I hope you're still good.
Inshaallah. Tomorrow will be a better day.

For tonight post, I would like to share a bit about my hanging out day with my best friends today. The opening was a breakfast at RailwayCoffee before we took off to shopping mall to have survey on Popular haha. Our very first intention was just to smell the books. Yet two of my friends did bought stuffs at the book shop.

After that, we were just randomly walking around the area of karaoke until we started to randomly being curious over claw pets and more arcade games at the area. The blue rm started to change into token and tokens. We ended up playing around with the arcades even those which actually for kids play. Would like to mention, this was our very first time in our very first sweet 22 playing those stuffs lmao.

Next, we finally went to the karaoke. We actually were waiting for the happy hour, which offered one hour free. That make it two hours for us to spend, haha. Room 21, we entered, where everyone started to be hysterical and losing voices and ended up using falsetto like dying donkeys, bwahahahaha. The last song was Pesan by Irfan Haris booked by me, we sang well for the closing tho, hehe. No mention two rounds for I Will Show You by Ailee during those two hours, huhu. It was a kpop song with high harsh notes, pheww.
Image result for super junior choki choki gif
p/s: not this bad i mean worst tho. those men were all absolutely possessed lmao
Out from the karaoke, everyone was on mute mode lol. Also, we were all prepared for luncheonnnn! No thinking back and forth, kfc was the very first resort. We went to another mall where it was located. It wasn't like the previous mall doesn't have it. Let's say, we were intentionally wasting fuel and polluting the air, keke. Make order, order finished, eat eat eating time!

Then, here came the membawang session. Rommates, lecturers, courses, uniform training; as for me sispa and the other friend is palapes, crushes, siblings and more. Most of the time, like usual, like always, I enjoyed listening to their talks and stories. One of the impressive moments was, I quite talkative with this one friend which we both were actually used to categorized as passive best friends. Formerly, originally, we didn't talked a lot to each other since school like random useless unbeneficial talks. But today, we were quite talkative that make the other two friends kept teasing us, hee.

Done eating and talking, we were ready to back home. How fast time passed. From 9.00 am, it was finally 4.00 pm. Despite of that, we did had a lot like very too much laughs, jokes, and fun. Just with whom would I being and felt like this. I like my smile the most when I was with them. Because I knew how genuine my feeling was whenever they were with me. It took me 14 years to have this very precious friendship and now it closed to a decade worth. I'm so married to them.

Sweet november, sweet grilfriends, sweet twenty two!
Everyone have their stories, their scenes, their black and white. So do I. That's why I'm so into them. Back then, when I didn't had this thing called true friend, I was quite anti to this life and world. Question after question, just to burn this life with hatred. Until I met these three angels. No wings, no halos, just hearts and honesty. Alhamdulillah. I wish this friendship will last longer and longer until forever. Oh no! I'm about to have snot, haha.

Oh my! this is not a little sharing. too long already. ha-ha ha-ha

Till here, thank you for reading this.
I pray your realtionship and friendship are and will be good too.
No rush. No harsh. You'll meet your angel soon or later.
Good luck!
xoxo =)








Nothing is just another counting. Because when I'm with you,
even everything becomes uncountable.





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Ugly Flower

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it's hurt when it's hurt
i have no mean to cover it up
but it's ugly when it's hurt
that wound, it's ugly
hurt more and more

it's hurt how your sharp eyes judging me
it's hurt how your soft whispers cursing me
it's hurt when it's hurt
i have no mean to cover it up
but the wound is opened again

it's hurt no matter how good i handle it
the wound stings my chest, burns my head
gasping for air when i'm still breathing fine
grab on thin spirit that only left
it's hurt when it's hurt

i'm the one who with thorn
i'm the one that is rotten
i'm the ugly and wounded living
why you have to cut on my root
why you have to torn my growing petals
it's hurt when it's hurt
i'm hurt and wounded.














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Waiting Again

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Image result for anime messy bedroom gif
Days had passed
I'm still lying around
Pillows keep me company
Blanket covers me head to toe
Sigh, why are you not showing up?

Cold coffee, burning sunlight
I'm scrolling up our old chats
"I miss you" you sent very often
Phrases that make me waiting
Sigh, why are you quiet now?

Home sweet home
Why do I feel this lonely?
Messy hair, messy mind
You're making me waiting again
I miss you, you know.









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Planner 2019 Giveaway by Lullabyssz

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Assalamualaikum...
Planner 2019 Giveaway by Lullabyssz
Hello, peeps! Look look what I got. There is a cool giveaway to join!
The prizes are all adorable. Click the banner to be directed to host's blog!
Qucik quick! It's only a one month giveaway. You got another 24 days to consider.
Good luck!
xoxo =)









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Awake

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Related image
*click on image to listen to the song that aspired me to write this poem

Tonight, I am awake again
Staring at the infinity dark
Even the moonlight seems dimmer
I am wanting you again
Missing you more and more

Heavy breath, broken soul
Why did you leaved me?
Why I could not utter that even now
Never mind the reason
I am not angry, I won't

Tonight, I am still this lonely
Your scent still get me suffocating
Trembling body, frozen
Why did you being this cold?
I am still wanting you
Missing you more and more.
























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ELFiction : Super Duper Namchin (Siwon)

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Image result for super junior one more time japan siwon

EARLY NOTICE!
Finally, a fanfiction after years! Basically, I have no theme for this. I just made it. At first, the image that came into my mind was my beloved Yesung. But then, came the soft and kind angel Letteuk. Followed after that was gentleman Siwon. However, most of this was made with Siwon-based. Still, character specification is not yet decided. Let's say, I just pouring out my fanfiction-writing needs lol. Also, excuse my grammar hehe. Happy Reading! And don't forget to leave a comment. xoxo =) 

Good looking, well dressed, silky black hair, pink lips, fair skin, I thought it was just my imagination. I thought it was more likely a fantasy that was can never be real. Until he looked straight into my eyes and gave a small but bright smile. It felt like a sharp and fast lightning stroke my heart and caused my body went numb simultaneously.

“Hi! Regular, please.”

I thought I heard things. But never mind. I would rather looking at this very charming and fantasy-like man who was standing and looking at me. Did he even spoke to me?

“Ehem. Excuse me, miss.”

Yes. Seemed like he did.

“Miss.” He snapped his two fingers right in front of my face

I was puzzled and went blank for awhile. Like magic, I finally settled down that all of this was not my mind’s creation. It was a gift, a bless! He was real.

“Yes? Err…I’m sorry. May I have your order?” There, I was totally exposed. Awkward and dumbfounded.

“Err…regular one.”

“Regular?”

“Yes.” 

My fingers would not move. My eyes were looking at the machine just like how I was looking at my calculus notes as always; confused, messed up, dead end.

“I’m sorry. What do you mean by regular?” I asked. Unprofessionally.

He was silent. His clear dark brown eyes were looking at me, sending me another electric shot that frozen me head to toe.

“I don’t think you’re new.”

Hiccup!

I shook my head while covering my mouth with the both hands. Lord! This man really messed me up. My guts were jumping and spinning like dry laundry. Nauseous and anxious.

“Never mind. Maybe you’ve a lot in minds. We’ve met a few times. I am one of the regular customer here. And of course, I always make the same order. With the same person.”

Hiccup! 

Stop! This man totally a mess. Which I impossible to clean it up. Wake up, girl! He was just a good looking customer with manga-character-like features.

“I’m sorry. I’m quite lost today. Yes. Yes, I remember. I have your order.”

Finally, my fingers were working. Pressing on buttons and setting up his regular order just like my memory told me. I knew he was watching me. I meant, my work. Maybe waiting for another stupid flaw. However, I could felt the warmth that caused my two cheeks burning.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yes, sure.” I tried to relax my tone but it still not working much.

“Aren’t you working too hard? You’re not looking quite good.”

“Thank you for your concern. But I’m fine.” A bit pretentious but polite. Just if he knew how fine he was that I could not felt fine anymore. What if he knew? What would happen? Oh! Better stop thinking more nonsenses.

“Your order is getting ready and here is the receipt.” I took out the receipt from the machine and passed it to him. Yet he was busy rubbing into his pockets.

“Do you have a pen?”

“Yes. Here.” I passed the receipt along the pen that I used to keep in my apron. Just in case. 

“Is that the receipt?” He asked again.
I just nodded.

“Turn it around.” He commanded. 

“Excuse me?” Again, I was lost. But this time he totally in fault. What was with turning around the receipt? Still, I obeyed.

“Yes, like that. Write it at the back of the receipt.”

“Huh?” I was absolutely confused.

“Your number.” My eyebrows went it way up to the forehead. My brain was having its processing time. Did I heard it wrong? 

He make himself closer to the counter and rested his both hands on it. This time, no fool, he was staring right through my little dusty spectacles and met my nervous eyes.

“Write it or I won’t pay.” He threatened with his soft and gentle voice. 

A bait! Call me idiot but yes, I ate it up. Never mind why. But I did wrote my phone number on the back of receipt diligently like it was the last paper of final exam.

“Number 5!” A co-worker from the kitchen shouted my counter number which meant my orders were ready.

Finished the writing, let go the pen, I quickly got the order that was his. As I back to the counter, the receipt where my number was written already in his hands. He made his payment with some kind satisfied face. Guess I was teased by him.

“Here’s your order.”

“Keep it. It’s a trade. Plus, it seems you need it more than me. Stay good. I’ll meet you again.”

There, he said and leaved like hot brewed coffee. Unpleasant taste but aromatic smell. Make me felt dizzy but captivated. So, what should I do with the trade? It was a hot dark black coffee with two spoons of sugar. Lord! This man really messed me up. 




A one night work! So, shall I continue this or put this until here only and let your imagination flowing like super duper dreamy waterfall?? I'm thinking to continue with all current members included but still unsure. Well, it's midsem break! haha











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Octoblue

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Assalamualaikum...
Image result for anime gif rain umbrella
Hello, peeps! How're you doing?
It's already 2nd November.
But yeah i'm gonna have my October talk here.
Of course. Also, greetings to November! Haha

So, my October went well and ended well.
Maybe not that well. But still, Alhamdulillah.
I'm still alive and trying to survive longer lol.

Looking back at my mood last month,
I would call it Octoblue.
That's where I got the title for this post. Haha
Why I literally said so?
Because of these.


Sky is one of my favorite nature.
Rainy and gloomy days always give me chill.
Soft wind and the smell of wet grass, they are so wonderful.
And blue? Obviously it's my favorite color.

Those shots are all taken in October, in order. My campus.
I was quite exposing there. Hehe
My eyes just cannot looked straight ahead while walking
but looked up at those soft and fluffy stuffs there. Haha
And my hands, suddenly they were so eager to do some experiments
on the phone camera.
Well, I was and am satisfied.

With that, here I conclude this very short post.
Thank you October and see you again next year.
And, Hello November! Hello midsem break! lol
Happy Deepavali to our Indian friends too.
Thank you for reading this until this last line.
xoxo =)












maybe it's not because of the height and distance but
because i'm at this bottom which everything seems all beautiful.







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Paksi

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berpaksi pada graviti
mendongak ke langit tinggi
melangut menghitung hari
goyah namun tetap berdiri
apakah esok masih menanti?

berpijak pada bumi
menunduk ke hujung kaki
melangkah meskipun tidak berani
memikul bebannya perasaan
apakah esok tetap menjadi?

yang tersembunyi biarkan berinti
yang tidak pasti usah direka konklusi
tiap detik yang melepasi titik waktu
jangan dijangka yang infiniti
paksinya masih di sini.



















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GIVEAWAY PLANNER 2019 by SHFYQHAZHR.COM

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Assalamualaikum...
Kyaa! Comeyyyy. Tak boleh kalau tak menggedik bila tengok benda comel2 ni.
So that was my reaction bila tengok hadiah yang ditawarkan dalam giveaway ni.
Memanglah probability nak menang macam ada tak ada je. Join pula last minute kan.
Tapi tanda sokongan kepada hadiah2 yang comel tu, Farahin join!
Sempat lagi nak join. Hari ni last. Boleh klik banner okey. Hehe














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Segment Bloglist by Farah Farhana

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 Assalamualaikum..
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eEaLgGfULng/W84NstQoiKI/AAAAAAAAKoo/LtGAaO_Mwu4UMZtDuh4TMYdmZjfxarHKACLcBGAs/s640/segmen.png 
Hi! Straight to the point, hari ni Farahin join segmen ni.
Tuan blog yang ajak. Awww sweet. Nama pun sama. Haha
So, kalau nak join boleh klik banner above.
Direct terus pergi blog si penganjur. 
Jom! meriahkan lagi segmen ni. hee
xoxo =)
















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Your August Monster

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Assalamualaikum...
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Hi, people! Yeah. I know it's still October.
And August of the year had passed.
But still, the title is not wrong.

Actually, just a few days ago I made a video.
A combination of my two favorite songs.
I don't dare to call it remix or mashup.
Because I just basically put two songs in a video.
No extra editing or effects. How boring ha

Yet, I just want to share my happiness over these two songs,
Monster by Henry and August by G.Nine.
Henry is a multi talented performer, that's what I called him.
While G.Nine, I'm still new with this guy.
But so far, I found his arts are all charming.

So, here is the video.
Do watch, comment, and react if you can.
Supportive and brilliant words are recommended.
And enjoy playing eye staring with our lovely Kaneki Ken! Haha


I think I'm going to do more videos like this later.
Just not now. My student life mode is still on. Huhu

Till then, I end it here.
Thank you for your visits!
xoxo =)









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Kenapa dan Apa

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Asslamualaikum...
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Kenapa buat aku macam ni? Kenapa buat aku macam ni padahal aku dah buat macam-macam untuk kau? Kenapa buat aku sedih dan sakit macam ni bila aku selalu berikan yang terbaik untuk kau? Jadi kenapa kau tak pernah nak hargai dan buat aku sakit hati?

Mesti ramai dan ada di antara kita pernah tanyakan soalan klise ni dekat diri sendiri. Farahin pun pernah buat benda yang sama. Nama pun benda klise. Siapa je tak pernah buat. Sekali dua, sesaat dua, mesti ada.

Ingat balik perasaan kita bila tanyakan soalan tu pada diri sendiri. Rasa sedih, rasa menyesal, rasa sakit hati, rasa diri ni dah tak berguna, kan? Faham. Masa tu memang mind block sangat. Heartbreak. Mental koyak rabak gila.

Tapi ada soalan-soalan yang lain yang kita lupa nak tanyakan pada diri kita. Mungkin ada yang dah tahu apa soalan-soalan tu. Mungkin ada juga yang masih terperangkap dengan soalan-soalan yang awal tadi.

It took me months to years to change that questions from why to what. Dari kenapa kepada apa. Kenapa orang tu buat kita macam ni? Tanya balik pada diri, apa je yang kita dah buat untuk diri sendiri? Kenapa kita tak dihargai padahal kita dah buat macam-macam yang pada kita semuanya adalah yang terbaik? Tapi ape je yang kita dah buat untuk diri kita supaya diri kita ni dapat dan rasa yang terbaik?

Kenapa mempersoalkan sesuatu kalau hakikatnya bukan jawapan yang kita harapkan, tapi sekadar bentuk pemberontakan yang menolak kenyataan? Tidak ke semua soalan tu jadi sia-sia? Tidak ke itu cuma perbuatan kurang matang dan sekadar menambah pedih perasaan?

To me, yang namanya ikhlas itu tak mengharapkan balasan. Yang namanya ikhlas itu tak kisah sebanyak mana pengorbanan yang dah dilakukan. Yang namanya ikhlas itu takkan bertanya kenapa. Yang namanya ikhlas itu, Farahin kenal agak lewat tapi masih tak terlambat.

It doesn't matter what will I get when I do or give something to someone. Ada ke tak, dapat ke tak, I don't have to think a lot. Yang penting, yang pertama sekali, bila Farahin buat sesuatu untuk seseorang, it wasn't actually for that person, tapi untuk kepuasan diri sendiri. I did it because I like to do it. I did it because it make me happy to know that I make someone happy and felt appreciated. It was far from a thing that we called manner. Indeed, it was an affection.

Hati manusia bermacam-macam. Hati manusia berubah-ubah. Jadi memang mustahil nak puaskan hati semua orang. Tapi tak mustahil nak puaskan diri sendiri, kan? Bila lapar, kita makan. Bila haus, kita minum. Bila ngantuk, kita tidur. Mungkin sebab kita dan 'diri sendiri' work so well together, kita lupa to do and give more to her/him. Don't keep that habit.

Tak payah kisah apa orang buat dekat kita. Tak payah peduli apa orang kata pasal kita. Mereka tak tahu apa-apa. Sama juga kita yang tak tahu apa-apa pasal mereka. Jadi, just chin up and walk straight. Kalau orang cari musuh dengan kita, we can just choose to not get into the battle. To me, itu tak dikira mengalah dan kalah since we don't even make a move. It's just an act of rejection to an inivitation. Simple.

I know. This post kind of membebel dan merepek. Sebab actually Farahin tak ada theme pun nak buat post apa. It's just me want to pour out all the mess in my mind today. So, yeah. Inilah hasilnya. I wish everyone do feel good about yourself even though your day and the people around you don't make you feel so. Do things for yourself. Bukan nak mengarah. But, yes. I'm actually begging. Please.

It make me sad, angry, frustrated, and sometimes could be very irritated bila I see someone lost diri sendiri. If I have to ask why, I would ask, kenapa mereka perlu rasa sedemikian? When even I as a stranger, I could see there's nothing wrong with them. Their good, their bad, their less and more, nothing to complain about. Sebab Farahin pun ada those sides. And instead of looking for those, I just see them as themselves. As a human who worth this whole world. Nothing more. Nothing less. 

Till then, I end it here.
Be happy, people.
Goodluck!
xoxo =)




We live once not to satisfy everyone.
We live once to satisfy ourselves every each of time.



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Otra Vez

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Asslamualaikum...
gifs website

Hello, fam! Apa khabar semuanya?
Hopefully baik2 sihat2 belaka. Amiin

Nothing much to write here.
Just nak share how grateful i am for my September.
Ya. Dah 10 hari berlalu, baru hari ni nak mention kan. Hehe
Alhamdulillah. September Farahin ended well.

Yet unfortunately, 2 hari lepas akhirnya Farahin kecundang jua.
Tumpah juga air mata pertama bagi semester ini. Haha
I was too stress back then. Plus, mind block lagi.
Dua hari ni memang on robot mode.
Tidur pun macam tak tidur je.
Bangun tidur je, kepala berat berdenyut sebab exhausted.

Sekarang ni pun Farahin tengah busy dengan fyp ni.
Tak tahu nak taram apa dalam paper ni.
References ada je ready. Tapi otak ni yang dah jeng.
So, yeah. I jump here. Haha

Esok ada 10 minutes group presentation. Tengoklah esok apa je nak merepek depan kelas tu.
Tak tahulah kenapa dengan satu kelas ni tiap2 minggu ada je kerjanya. Menci sungguh!
Satu kelas ni pula tiap2 minggu ada presentation individu.
Haihh. Kalaulah i don't have to sleep and don't have to feel sleepy.
Macam sekarang ni. Kelopak mata dah bergetar ni menahan ngantuk.

Apapun, tepuk tangan sikit sebab Farahin tak melalak lama dua hari lepas tu.
Tak macam sem lepas. Sampai bengkak mata, pedih tak boleh nak buka.
Guess i already have a hunch how to control it.
Yes! You can do this, Farahin!

Hmm. Nothing much to write konon.
Tengok2 dah berjela ni ha. Haha
Okey lah. Better stop. Kot makin kelaut pula nanti.
Oh, hampir lupa! Nak promote sikit.
Super Junior ada lagu baru. Boleh klik dan layan. Hehe


Then, I wish you for a better day, a better life.
Enjoy your October! Wish i can too lol
Good luck! xoxo =)









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Relationship - Precious or Scary ?

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Assalamualaikum...
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Night, peeps! How's your day?
My day was just about being lazy cozy.
Watching "To The All Boys I've Loved" which
reminded me a lot to my best friend who used to have many crushes too.
Yes, she still. But I never care. Hahahaha

Okay. So today post obviously about relationship. Maybe. Let's say I was a bit frustrating about my another best friend's drama. I knew she got problem with her relationship and yes, also her boyfriend. She complained to me about many stuff which actually make me happy that she wanted to share her stories with me. Well, I always do.

So last night, our topic touched more about trust, respect, and loyalty. Chatting with her for an hour and plus, it seemed all those three about to break. Or maybe, already?

First of all, I am not in relationship. I've been not in a quite long time. But I've this kind of view about relationship and love which I guess I love the idea of love and having relationship but not the reality of it. Yeah, how immatured me ha.

In my opinion, what comes first in a relationship is trust. Not just this romantic relationship. I guess even relationship between stranger and stranger. Don't we dare to smile or have a small talk with some strangers that we meant to meet at the middle of the way or somewhere because there is a piece of trust we keep to ourselves for them? Like how i even started to talk to my classmate when that time we didn't even reached that "friends" stage yet?

So, I don't get it. Why some people being in a relationship if there is no trust to be commited? If the feeling about missing and wanted to have that person are two of the cases, to me it would be fine to be suffocated every single day because of that rather than have the relationship for meaning to satisfy our emotional hunger.

To me, relationship is not just about filling an empty seat beside us but also willing to trust the seater. Make sure each other comfortable and safe in their seats even though sometimes the rough roads make them bounced and shaking. It is trust that make them wanted to comfort and take care each other. It is not only one party being selfish with the thought want to be in relationship. Between WANT and READY, there are big differences.

Image result for ao haru ride gif

I asked her, does relationship is about how precious it is or how scary it is? She laughed. Because at that moment, i thought her relationship was scary. Her boyfriend seemed used to cut their very honest conversation with excuses to not getting hurt or have more trouble. What! what make him this scare? His girlfriend being honest because she concerned to trust him since it was about to fade but she still wanted to keep that very tiny trust she have. Yet this boyfriend make his way out by his own and leaved the girlfriend in awe. I wish he dare to be more more open with her.

I don't know if relationship does scary but I used to have this mindset that it is precious. Just like friendship that I always admire and love. and fan-idol relationship that I stuck with. Haha It is precious. So why do we scare to trust him/her? It is precious. So why don't we want to appreciate it together? It is precious. So let's give it all to fix it! Which now, it seemed my best friend worked everything out by herself.

After a long chat, she said that she was already fed up and only could think about breaking up. It have been one year since they together and same problem keep happening while there is no positive changes. Maybe, a little bit.

I tried not to use my friendzone superpower and said that it is up to her. If she already put it in mind, then go on. Otherwise, she can still defend the relationship. Decision is hers. Honestly, I don't support this toxic relationship with broken mutualism and parasites. However as a best friend, I tried to support this girl I love. I don't care about her boyfriend. I only care about her. Her mind. Her heart. Her well being. I will be hurt if she hurt. No joking.

Lastly, a short message for you gorgeous readers. Appreciate the relationship that you're having now. Be brave and daring. Relationship is beautiful. I just don't get it why we've to spoil it. Totally not worthy. Or is it because I am not in one? Ha-ha

Till then, thank you
and good night!
xoxo =)




False start may have the right end. But the right start also may have the false end.
What does matter is in between and the goal to make everything back to right.





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Comrades

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an expected encounter
a very long acquaintance
allies in one soul
comrades in the same form

mirror is how we see each other
reflection is how we watch each other
her "good morning" is as cold as dew
her "good night" is as calm as the moon
her voice is as loud as my silent

when the world was too bright for my sight
she guided me as a black shadow
when darkness came to devour me
she shouted with her loudest cry

i told her most of the time "soon, I'll be gone"
and she never sighed to rephrase "I'll stay"
her warm smile caused me to look down
deep into the unknown.












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Another Beginning

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Assalamualaikum...
Image result for super junior eunhae bout you sj returns gif
Hello, peeps! Skip the August, now it's already September.
Semester break dah habis. Belang muka berkawad bulan lepas pun dah nak hilang.
Tomorrow will be the first day of my senior year.

The past semester still gives me its thrills and chills.
Takut. Takut kalau benda yang sama berulang lagi.
Takut kalau I have to going through another worst episode.
Tapi Alhamdulillah, these few days I am doing good.
Hopefully, this semester would be better and more healing.

Semester ni Farahin dapat seorang roommate baru.
A second year junior. Awkward juga nak ice breaking dengan dia.
Sebab dah lama tak jumpa dan buat kenalan baru. Well, huhu.
But now we're good. She seems to be a nice girl.

Oh! Also Alhamdulillah Farahin dah tauliah dengan jayanya.
Dikurniakan watikah pelantikan Leftenan Muda Angkatan Pertahanan Awam Malaysia.
Even dah tauliah, nampak gaya a journey still have to be continued.
As a Y.O (Young Officer) Farahin ada duty untuk jaga budak2 junior pula.
Let's just wait and see how this things will be.

For tomorrow, Farahin cuma ada dua kelas.
And actually, Farahin still tak sure nak pergi atau tidak. Hahahaha
Well, first day kot. Biasa kelas tak mula lagi pun. Nak pula cancel tetiba.
Nak menapak balik asrama tu yang malas sebenarnya. Hehe
Apapun, I am still excited. Only pray for a better day and better me.
Amiin

Okay. Badan dah penat mengemas bilik.
Mata pun dah berat. Jomlah tidur ya.
Good night. Till we meet again.
xoxo =)





The all black picture you're staring at,
let's paint it with a new picture; dreamy and colorful.



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July Greeting

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Assalamualaikum...
Image result for moon anime gif images
Hello, peeps! Greeting!
Tahu Julai dah nak habis tapi Farahin masih tak post apa2. Hehe
Busy mereput semester break ni. Hahahaha

Alhamdulillah.
I passed my all my papers.
Cuak juga kot2 kecundang and more repeat paper to come.
I know very well how ugly my condition was for the whole semester.
Tapi syukurlah result exam masih dikira okey.
Nak menangis juga masa tengok hari tu.
Rasa syukur sangat.

Ogos nanti Farahin ada pertauliahan siswa APM.
Tengok tentatif yang dah dibincangkan,
ada 4 hari untuk latihan sebelum acara rasmi berlangsung.
Gigil juga rasa. Mesti garing punya ni. Siang malam berkawad.
Maklum, semester break ni kerjanya bergolek atas katil je. Huhu

Till then, ni je lah sharing kali ni.
Before that, nak juga share lagu yang recently jadi feveret Farahin.
Lagu ni dah setahun usia tapi Farahin baru jumpa semalam.
Duk dengar lagu ni je sepanjang hari. It's very soothing.
Talking To The Moon by KREAM.


Goodnight. Bye =)



"someday when you listen to my voice in your dreams
open your lips, don't hesitate to answer, you miss me too"




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ELFollowers

i wish i can make less pain for you =) -12/07/2019-